The 5 Stages of Grief…

…but I should be so happy with everything I have been blessed with these past 9 months. But I’m not. There is an underlying sadness, depression, anxiety and loneliness that I have been dealing with for a while now. It crept up slowly on little cat feet… so slowly that I didn’t really know what was happening. I honestly was going to ask my Pdoc about a new med if I didn’t figure this out soon enough. lol But no, I figured it out and I knew I would because I gave it all to The Universe and kept asking the Angels for guidance.

I realized that I am dealing with Empty Nest Syndrome as well as dealing with the loss of my home. (My foreclosed on one) These are things I need to deal with and work through as soon as possible because I am tired of feeling this way. The best way to deal with a loss is by examining and applying the 5 stages of grief. I can do this for each thing and then work through them one at a time. The stages are tailored to a death of a person but you can substitute any major loss like I am going to do.

To start with I’m just going to list the stages and then another post will deal with each step and how I can get past that one and onto the next.

The 5 Stages of Grief

The first reaction to a loss, numbness or shock can help cushion the blow and can help you get through the initial mourning rituals with the family and the funeral. This stage can last a few hours, days, or even a few weeks.

The numbness wears off, and the painful realization of the loss hits full-force; you will yearn deeply for your lost loved one. You may be angry and have regrets of things left unsaid or dreams never realized.

The storm of intense emotions of the second stage gives way to a period of heavy sadness, silence and withdrawal from family and friends.

Reorganization and the beginning of positive emotions- Over time, the sadness stage will start to lessen, and you will begin to see a lightening of your emotions. You will start to perceive your life in a more positive light, although bouts of grief and sadness will persist, probably for the rest of your life.

The final phase of this model is to let go of your need for the lost loved one and to move on with your life. Sadness will lessen greatly, and new interests will gradually occupy your thoughts more and more, crowding out the misery and desolation. The final stage is when you “pull your life back together”.

I will work on the loss of my home of 15 years first so I can enjoy my beautiful apartment more. I don’t know why but it’s always better for me to blog about this stuff.. I can figure out more this way. Weird hu? Oh well lol anyway….

Until next time… Blessed Be… Saila

Just Another Stage of Life

I think I am ‘suffering’ from Empty Nest Syndrome. lol Idk, it makes sense to me. I never thought about it. I also never thought about Marshall not living with me. It was slow but it was sudden. If that makes sense. We knew we would have to leave the condo because we were getting foreclosed on but I really never thought of us being apart. Everything I did (looking for housing, apartments etc… ) I did with the expectation that he and I would stay together. It was an awful time but it is over now. I hate thinking about it.

I also never realized just how much of my life revolved around my son. His company… just being in the same home not necessarily interacting but just being in the same space together. Involved in the day-to-day issues… good and bad whatever they may be. Spontaneous baking late at night… just the little things that you don’t realize how much you will miss them later when they are just memories.

He’s on his own now, been that way for over a year and a half (it will be 2 years in July) living with his father, which is the same as on his own lol. That’s a good thing. Gives him independence. The knowing that he can live successfully on his own without me. Ah, without me. I fear he won’t need me anymore. But I am slowly realizing that he still needs me, it’s just in a different way. I shouldn’t feel depressed and useless. I shouldn’t feel that there is nothing left to do… there is. It’s all so different. Hard to adjust to.

So I asked The Universe for a message and this is what I got…

“Archangel Michael, what changes would you like to see me make in my life right now? Please clearly guide me upon the path of my life purpose.”

Changes. Yes. I need something that is going to interest me, make me feel good. I think this is affecting me more and more now because my life has settled down and I have been in my apartment for 8 months now. Longer than I have been anywhere in the past 20 months. Because my life is settled and secure I believe my mind has time now to ‘catch up’ to my situation. So maybe it’s not to unusual to feel that empty nest so acutely almost 2 years later. Ha, believe me there was plenty to keep me busy all those months. It was called surviving and not being on the street. Omg… how many times that was a very real possibility. Ugh… Needless to say my mind was plenty occupied. Now, not so much so there is time for my new reality to sink in and be processed. And… it sucks. But… I realize what it is now so that is half the battle. Dealing with feeling abandoned is another part of the battle.

So let’s see what Michael has to say to guide me to my life purpose… hell, I’ll be happy with just a little purpose right now… lol

Until next time… Blessed Be… Saila