Time is not linear for me like I think it is for you. For me, you can pick any or all of these antonyms for what time is for me: varying, deviating, changing, intermittent or interrupted.
Basic ideas here, feel free to insert your own day plan… You start your day, go to work, or whatever, you come back home, get ready for relaxing, chill out have some dinner and then go to bed.
You were aware of each and every hour of your day… minus the few times you’re daydreaming or not paying attention or doing a repetitive task.
The thing here is that you can go back and remember what you did, kind of like a movie in your head… (?) your memory of your day is there. If you have someone at home that you share your day with, you can pretty much tell them every aspect of your day. Whether you tell it in the exact order, that is up to you but you are aware of the order of your day.
No missing chunks of time, no finding things done without knowledge of doing them. I’m not talking about the ‘trance’ one can go into on a rainy day on a long drive. Although, that is probably the closest comparison I can make regarding the loss of time. Eventually you snap out of it… imagine “snapping out of it” when you have no idea why you are driving or where you are supposed to be going or coming from. Better yet… winding up in another state! Not cool.
For me, I’m not driving and it’s not raining.
It can be a good thing at times – like today… My bedroom got rearranged with little knowledge from me. I know it’s done and I’ll end up with more bruises I’m sure as well as probably getting the best nights sleep we’ve had in long long time. lol We’ve been doing some heavy-duty moving things around these past few days or week… who knows.
This was a type of cooperation we rarely had any positive results when attempted before. Most times when someone asks me what I did today, my answer will usually be “um… (with a pause…)” and I have to ask one of them who may have the information to help put the pieces together really quickly or I’ll redirect the conversation in some way shape or form. Usually when I’m talking to Marion on her way home from work there is at least one time when she will ask me something and then I hear her saying “Hello? You there?” lol
When you talk to me and ask me questions that I don’t have an answer for it will depend on what the question is as to how I will answer you. If I say something neutral usually that means I’m trying to gain access from one of the others who may have been present or have the information/answer to the query.
It can most definitely cause anything from mild anxiety to full-blown panic attack. I’ve grown to know when not to push things and have removed myselves from situations that may trigger something bad.
The times I can’t remove myself… that is a work in progress but thanks to some very understanding sisters, Celine and Saki… best yet they are willing to try to understand. That means the world to us. It also helps me to understand how you Singles think.
Sometimes it can be a bad bad thing. I’m not getting into that here. I will tho at some point, it’s a draft in progress… so keep your eyes and laptops open. 😉
For me, time is like someone took my memories (the memories come and are from different times in The Collectives life… all at the same time.) and just told someone in the memory department “Here, take these memories, cut and splice how you see fit.. double them quadruple them, layer away be sure to have fun and have Sponge Bob and Patrick help you. (evil genius laugh here muahahahahaaaaaaaa) It doesn’t matter what memory snapshot or what ones you decide to mix up or how many times you do it but… get it done. Keep doing it until she finally realized she has no control over this.”
She gave up trying.
What did she do?
She is at peace.
Picture a bucket of water for both examples (our memories and what we picture as your memories examples) that holds an infinite amount.
Our memories are like this…. the memories are drops of water (A lot of the memories are actual snapshots of varying degrees of aging – the picture, not me) these would be snapshots we’ve either been shown or found in an old photo album… then that picture becomes the memory. These water drop memories are dropping into the bucket that already has water in it. How to find that memory? It’s like searching for a grain of sand you dropped on a beach somewhere but all the grains are the same… frustrating.
It is tiring when the one who has the memory comes forward with the info and then another just cutting off in the middle of a thought while another pops in. That makes for interesting conversation if you like your conversation confusing.
Oooooh Shiney! And off goes Fantasia on a whim not realizing that now the memory is irretrievable. Whoever is out front won’t even know what we were supposed to be remembering. She has to learn to keep her sparkles to herself and away from the grownups during crucial times. lol Maybe someday soon….
While I picture your memories to be like this: Still with the infinite bucket of water but each of your memories that drops into the bucket is unique in size and shape as well as colorful to make it easy to find and access. Easy Peasy.
I can be having my morning coffee going over what needs to get done, get that done, move on to one of the tasks and the next thing I – Diana – knows is that my bedroom looks more like I would like it and it’s almost 1 am. Last I knew it was around 3 pm. Yes, time was lost but it was used well and I am happy about that. My memory of the bedroom job is cloudy and faded because others helped so they will have clearer memories.
Each time we see our therapist he gives us ideas on how to make this easier to finally get a handle on and understand and even though we don’t always get the message… it’s getting easier and we feel lighter. Heheh we’ve even been sleeping a little better as well. Finally!!
I’m expecting to sleep well tonight with my “new” bedroom! All I did was put the bed on the floor and move a gigantic dresser. The bed was on the ceiling before that. lmao No, it was just on the frame and we took that apart and put it on the floor. lol
I’m making too many typos so I’m stopping here but yea, time is not linear for me, it goes back and forth and in between as well as all that at the same time.
I would love to see a pet scan of my brain while they are all active vs when they are more or less quiet. THAT my friend would be interesting.
Ok, whether this post went how I had planned or not it’s done as am I for tonight on the computer… time for some TV and relaxing… finally.
I feel at peace right now and am going to enjoy it…
~namaste~ Diana & The Peanut Gallery lol (but mostly me 1/14/14…..oh wow I just figured out why I was feeling all out of sorts the past couple days, that feeling that something just ain’t right and you wait for a shoe to drop or land on your head… today January 14th 2014 is the day my Pops would have been 76. He passed away in May of 1991. Yeah Yeah, I just realized it’s the 4th I have no idea where i got the 14th from.
and try at another ending… lol
~namaste~ Diana & Melany (1/4/14)
Thank you for reading and feel free to ask questions! Comment or email welcome… as are phone calls Celine and Saki 😉