*DISCLAIMER* I am NOT a doctor but simply a girl who lives with DID, a patient in therapy. The experiences are my own and the information I am posting today comes from here as well as personal experience:
One thing I can say for sure is that initially my ‘parts’ were so compartmentalized that even I did not know they were there. I found out that “I” was a “We” on Feb. 20 1991. (The Reverse Shatter) To the people I interact with, it may just seem as a mood shift, or it may be extreme and/or inappropriate for the situation.
This can happen usually without the one who was there initially being aware or being aware but not being able to do anything about it. I could have switched 1 or 6 times just during the writing of this. Most times I don’t know unless someone says something to me and sometimes it’s just a smooth transition for a little while if one or more want to come out front and see what’s going on. Some cause trouble most do not.
Sometimes someone says something, or does or does not do something or even some music can be triggers to the dark side… that can be harder to hide.
For the most part DID is “designed” to be camouflaged. It is a protective thing that the mind does to keep us as safe and undiscovered as possible. In other words, try to fit in or seem ‘normal’. How do you explain something to someone that you yourself do not fully understand? When questioned what usually happens is everyone that knows what was said or done clam up and lock the info away and the one out front has to deal with the consequences. (if there are any)
Did you know that everyone dissociates to some extent… you know when you are driving and it’s raining and the next thing you know is you passed your exit, daydreaming, spacing out. That is normal. More serious dissociation is way different…. it would be more like: where the fuck am I and why am I here or whatever errand the one who got in the car was supposed to do probably did not or already got done.
It’s hard to explain the severity of the difference. Well, one time I found myself in Florida, we’re talking over 1,000 mi. away from where I lived. Try figuring that one out. I did get lucky and found someone to help me get back home. Ruined my life for a long time but we recovered. What triggered the going was unwanted physical advances from someone (we were in an abusive relationship at one point before we were married and we were also raped more than once as a teenager – not getting into that because it is triggering to think about and I don’t want to go there.) and what triggered us back was that same person (who we went to Florida with) laid a hand on us and he got a black eye and was left down there in Florida in jail while we came home wondering wtf happened.
Some diagnosing factors of DID… This again is from my book above as well as personal experience. I’ll put ones that I know apply to me either just because I know or from others telling me things….
- Recurrent and consistent alterations in one’s identity. (You don’t want to know how crazy that drives my family… I’m JUST learning how it affects them.) I’ve even gotten credit card offers for some of them. Didn’t take them up on it tho.. one day I may just for a goof.
- I can hear and interact with the inner dialogue be it internally or externally.
- Differences in taste whether it is clothing style, hair color and/or style. Even medications. I can go on but… nah I’m tired.
Too many people think that DID is actually the same thing as Schizophrenia. It is not. I do not have a tinfoil hat to keep the voices at bay lol. My “voices” are my internal system – The Collective. Today they are calm and quiet so it is easier to write. It’s easy to diagnose someone with DID with BiPolar as well… I can tell you who would get dx with that… a combination of Wild Thing and DieAnne. lol
This is it for now…. I am tired and wanted to watch the Daytona 500 but it’s in a long red flag for severe weather… so I’ll maybe go to my Tarot Cards.
Remember, if you have questions please ask! It helps not only you understand but me as well.
~Diana Feb. 23, 2014