What to say what to say…
Today the Big One came.. or I should have said the not-so-fabulous Five came. We were served by the Marshall this afternoon and they give me 5 summons. All identical, all with a bunch of my names on it and even one that they got mixed up with the last name…
(Some of you may think this is funny and some not… majority rules so I win…) I was dealing with the dark ones all day until now Ok, DieAnne wailing and promising the promise… which is progress. I feel the despair of the dark ones big and little. You know how your chest ‘hitches’ for a while after you have been really sobbing your eyes out? I get the hitch on the outside and it is the weirdest thing.
I feel them crying, feeling like doom and gloom are knocking on the door.. oh, sorry, Doom and Gloom did knock on my door today… lol anyway… sometimes the things they are feeling or doing in the background I feel on the outside in the body. The weirdest things are when I feel them sobbing in the background and my eyes ache and my chest gets that occasional hitch… yet it does not show on the outside except that I can just have the smile that does not reach my eyes. Depending on how long the sobbing lasts in the back depends on how long I feel it’s effects. Not one thing shows on the outside and all the while this is happening I am going through my day doing what I can do of what needs to be done. Trying to look strong and put together.
So the funny thing that I thought about when I decided to write to you was that the marshal’s are serving us with papers from the court under all these different names… how do I explain that one? Do I say, excuse me I have to go get her… quick change… then the next and the next. Just hope he doesn’t want to see all of us at once lmao!! Yes I think that’s hysterical! If you didn’t eh, just laugh you know it was funny.
In case you didn’t know, anything to do with the court system/legal system I have huge trust issues because of something that happened when I was 18. Therefore HUGE Trigger. Positive progress we recognized it shortly before the dark ones took over. We are keeping communication open internally as reassuring them that everything will be ok. That and blogging helps. Even better I am blessed with a wonderful boyfriend who is trying really hard to understand. Others are starting to understand as well.. both internally and externally. We are strong and I will survive this too!
Stopping now… glad you read and if you have questions, please ask.
No panic attack! YAY!!!
The Collective (Feb 27, 2014)