…Is it possible? Yes and No. I was looking at my Angel Calendar for today….
It has a beautiful message about being in the moment and accepting the thoughts and feelings… I want all these to be positive but when you have DID, there are certain alters that are never (or extremely rarely) positive. They think the world will come crashing down on us. That makes it hard to accept the thoughts and feelings when calling upon (or crying out to) the Angels. When there are only the lighter alters (Ones who can be positive and can act on it as long as none of the darker ones are around.) We’ve got to turn the negative around but for some days like today I feel panicked and scared so it is hard to get those positive vibes flowing… it’s days like today I need positive thoughts and prayer for myself from others.
For someone who has DID, when others think we can just “snap out of it” they really don’t understand. Comments like those just push us deeper down into the darkness. I want to see the light. DID is not only hard for me to live with but also hard on others in my life. I don’t know who they interacted with last sometimes and it makes me feel like a dumbass when the one who had the conversation comes forward or just tells me what it was about so I don’t look or feel so stupid.
Idk, I’m teeter tottering today with mostly darker ones around… I should be thankful that I have co-consciousness so I can talk to the others and maybe sooth them and do whatever it is that they need. Sometimes it would be nice to have someone just call and ask how you are… I am thankful for Monday thru Friday when we have the conversations with Marion about anything and everything and she never forgets to ask how we are… 🙂
Well, I can go on but don’t feel like it… I need to take my pot shower and get looking like I need to… that will make things better inside with The Collective. Can’t be productive if I feel like hiding in a corner can I?
Have a sunshiny day… ~Diane (May 3, 2014)