Oh God, let me tell you payback is a bitch and it was all my fault (Diana). We are in a really bad financial situation and decided to pawn some old stuff that we had, some broken jewelry, some just old and I have no use for. Then I decided it was about time to sell Josie – that’s Roxy’s guitars name. She didn’t know we pawned it. But she hasn’t picked it up really in a long time and we needed money to keep the electric on and a couple other bills. Living like this sucks, being foreclosed on and having no one to help financially. We’re working on that. But we just can’t seem to save to move with just barely keeping utilities on. We’ve had no working water heater for a couple of months or more. We didn’t replace it for 2 reasons, 1 no money to do so and 2 why replace it when we are being foreclosed on? We get by. Barely but we get by. That’s a big part of my depression.
Get this… the state sent me a letter that I got yesterday telling me that they are cutting my benefits on the 31st of May because I didn’t call in or show up for a required interview on April 20. I never got anything from them telling me that. Living where I live we have problems with the mail. The mail carrier doesn’t always put the right mail in people mailboxes. Obviously they either never sent it out or someone else got my mail and tossed it instead of giving it to me. That happens a LOT here. We live in a condo so there is no individual mailboxes it’s that big thing with all the little boxes for each unit that the mail carrier opens from the back. The names and numbers are in there so I don’t know what the problem is. This is why I try to keep track of things online. I had no control over that. So I put a call into my Benefits Coordinator letting her know what happened. Now I have to set about 3 hours or so aside to get a call into the state on Tuesday to get this rectified unless my Benefits girl can work her magic.(again) This is the second month in a row the damn state has done this to me. We got it fixed the first time with an “oops, sorry the information was here all along”. I mean wtf how are people supposed to get well mentally and physically if the state keeps pulling this crap. I want to be able to work again one day and the way things are going it ain’t gonna happen anytime soon. I am way too unstable to work.
Back to the payback. Remember at the beginning I told you we sold Roxy’s guitar? Well, she got me back a few days later. I decided to have a drink and relax. My neighbor called me outside to chill around a little fire and have some drinks with her and a couple of friends. I remember adding more rum to what I was drinking to fill the glass back up and went outside… feeling fine, no buzz no nothing. (Danger sign right there) I don’t remember much after they were finishing take out but apparently “I” was the life of the party… Roxy came out. I don’t know what happened or what was said but the next thing I know my hunnybunny is helping me up 3 flights of stairs. I remember falling up them and decided to crawl up with Roxy giggling all the way. She got me drunk really drunk… pass out drunk. So I just flopped on the bed face down and slept that way for a while. I can’t tell you the last time someone was that drunk… oh wait, read this blog. That was the last time. I’m not one to get fall down drunk I hate that feeling. Give me a little buzz once in a while I’m good. But now Roxy used alcohol as a payback option. Thank you Fantasia for reminding her about that. 😦 Not cool but nothing really bad came from it… bad enough for Roxy to get my attention and let me know she was upset.
The weird thing was the next day I felt 100%! Better than ever! I felt really great. Like I did not have one drink. That was thanks to Roxy. She took the effects figuring doing what she did was enough. She made her point, but I didn’t realize that we should have asked her and included her in the decision. We didn’t realize that until our Therapist asked me if I was going to sell Marshalls guitar or something else of his wouldn’t I ask him first and talk about the decision? I was like “woah!” Instant understanding. Just because you can’t ‘see’ Roxy unless she is out she still deserved to be included in the decision just like any other person. They are all a part of The Body as The Collective, even tho one may not be awake or close by does not mean I should not include them in the conversation/decisions.
Roxy made her point and was the life of the party and I learned an embarrassing but eye-opening lesson I formally apologize Roxy and I really am sorry we sold your guitar without asking or including you in the decision. (I can tell she is close by because I have not needed my glasses all day long.) Remember she is the one who got the Lasik done… read this for that information.
I learned a new warning sign. If I have a drink or two and feel nothing that means Roxy is around and I need to cut her off. I also learned to ask inside before something like this happens again. Whoever is out front needs to respect the others always. It’s always been like whoever is out is the boss and screw the others because when any one of us is out we think we will be here forever and do what WE want to do. Then there is a switch and sometimes all hell breaks loose and other times it’s a good thing because whoever was out front did one of more of us a favor or took care of something for us.
Just another hard learning experience that we learned. It opened our eyes when our therapist asked what he asked “Did you ask Roxy what she thought about selling her guitar before you sold it?” It was an OMG! moment. Whether one or more of us is out we need to take the others into consideration. I felt so bad but now we made up. She got me falling down drunk and I promised not to sell or do anything to any of her stuff without asking.
Just another day in the life of a multiple… Thanks for reading 🙂
~Blessings~ Diana & Melany (May 23, 2014)