I was going to…


…share a poem here but seeing that my cat decided to lay on it I will tell you about my day. It gets a bit graphic in places so be warned…

If you’ve been reading you know I have been in therapy and now more intensive therapy by going to the IOP at Griffin. I actually got to speak out today! Diana kind of monitored me but I got to speak as me – DieAnne and share. The knives still call to me but being able to talk and tell the others about it helps. It’s hard to comprehend that I’m only 17 and my son is 27 lol and my mother will die in 2 years… (She was dx with cancer when the body was 17 and she passed 2 years later when the body was 19). I don’t know why I’m 17 but I am and always will be. That way she will not die in my world.

I used to try to kill myself when I was shut away in my room because my parents didn’t know what to do with or about me. Usually I would try to figure out how to strangle myself with my own hands but as soon as you start to pass out your hands fall away lol. Yes, I can laugh about it now and it really isn’t funny but if you spent as much time in your room as I had to… well…. I really miss my parents, both have passed at young ages and I never really got any answers except from my dad who told me flat-out they had no idea what to do with me so they just stuck me in my room. Out of sight out of mind I guess. They did their best and I still have no idea why we shattered. My dad apologized and never realized the impact all the solitary confinement had on us.

I, DieAnne am stuck in the past but live in the present or the future whatever you want to make of it. Unless you are a multiple you probably won’t understand that one… but it’s getting close to the time I talk with my friend Marion on her way home from work so I will leave you with this picture of why you got my ramblings instead of a poem…

Coco on poems

 

 

DieAnne (July 7, 2014)