…on Tuesday our world did not implode just because we thought positive!
Last week we called a lawyer for help with our SSI/SSD claim. On the call last week everything was set up and we had the information he needed. Most of it we went over on the call. The actual meeting would be Tuesday. He met us on our turf because we still can’t drive due to the dizzy spells. So we met at the public library in a quiet space.
Between the day we called and Tuesday we’re thinking that we won’t be able to be helped because of one reason or another… waiting for the question that would disqualify us or something like that. Because everything went well on the phone it started a landslide of negativity and despair. BUT! There was also a moment of hope and relief… just a moment but it was there small and smudgy. We’ve had such bad experiences with the court system that we end up with a flare up of ptsd.
This is something we have always dealt with. There is a ray of hope with something, something good happens or potentially is going to be happening and we think that if we let that positivity in it will ruin any chance we have of a good outcome. Partly because it’s happened that way in the past like I’m sure it has with some of you… some of you may not understand how paralyzing that can be. The darkness seeps in and covers up any light of positivity to an extreme level. If we let ourselves believe the positive something even worse is going to happen. It just snowballs.
Another example is our living situation… we have been in foreclosure for what, 3 years I believe? We are at the stage where the bank has owned our home since October 15th and there was a final judgment but now the waiting game for the court date for the ejectment. As soon as we got the papers we went to the court (this is months ago now) filed and sent the copy to wherever we had to send it and were told within a week we would have a court date. We did all this at the courthouse. All “I”s dotted and all “T”s crossed, reviewed by the clerk.
Well, it’s been months and nothing from the courts or any lawyers. (I can feel them inside stirring and the panic rising just writing this because of the negative thinking… I have to tread carefully here.) We check the mail, we check the housing section on the courts website at least 4 times a week to see if there is anything there… nothing. Do you know what it’s like to be with no income, on state and not knowing how long we will have a home or we get that court date in the mail or see it online? It’s petrifying, terrifying, paralyzing and brings about DieAnne’s urges.
I bet you’re wondering what happened with the lawyer? He took our case. He Took Our Case! We don’t have to do the legwork or anything now… just what he told us to do and we wrote that all down. He will make sure that they get ALL the information necessary and not misplace it. We left that meeting walking a little lighter and with more confidence and surprise. We had decided to think positive about the lawyer taking the case and that alone is scary. It’s like walking a tightrope with no net with people throwing balls at you. We are avoiding the balls pretty well so far. 🙂 and the best part… staying positive. Yes, we are staying positive. We know it can take a long time but it will work out.
We’ve also decided today that we are going to treat this foreclosure as if we will be here until we find somewhere else to live. (Positive Thinking) We are on one housing waiting list for the lottery in October and the Section 8 in CT (There will not be information until it opens, they will run it in the paper for 3 days as well beginning the 4th of August I believe.) opens up here in a few days and we have an appointment with our case worker to get the application in for that before the deadline as well. That will also be a lottery after pre-screening. There is another program along side with the Section 8 if you don’t qualify for that. There should be information on the site we referenced above. So we have 3 shots at affordable housing for us coming up in the next few months. This way we can try to save a dollar or two when we can so we are ready to go when we get into one of them. Thank God/dess for my son and his friend.
Here is what we are going to do… Be positive that we will get our disability case won sooner rather than later, think positive that we will not be kicked out of our home until after we are already in new affordable housing.
So yes, our world did not implode because we thought positive… (surprise surprise) of course the dark ones are saying that we just jinxed ourselves… but little by little they are coming into the present and seeing the progress we have made and the blessings we have been blessed with throughout this process… it’s just hard to get out of fight or flight mode when you have been in it for so many years without a break. But we will try, we have the support of the IOP and a few friends and family.
So that’s the update and you can see we’ve had a pretty busy week and haven’t been able to post much.
Thanks for reading and please send positive vibes our way! 🙂
~Blessings~ Diane (August 1, 2014)