Have you ever wondered…

…who you are going to wake up as?

girl with masks on table

I’m not talking about what mood you will be in, I’m talking about what person you will be. Will the same one that went to bed be the same one who wakes up? Is DieAnne going to be the one who wakes instead of Diana who was the one who went to bed or will it be Wendy or Rachel or Heidi or Joanna… you get the picture.

Have you ever had to worry about that? I never know if I will be the one who will wake again in the morning or it will be one of the others. I guess the being aware of that is part of the co-consciousness. At least we are aware of each other for the most part. Not many multiples reach co-consciousness. (That post has some more info on how it happened) We reached it February 20 of 1991 and we can tell you exactly where we were when it happened. We call it the reverse shatter.

It sucks. From past experience and some examples… Diana went to bed knowing there was some important tasks to be taken care of the next day and DieAnne woke up and couldn’t do them. Diana “wakes up” hours later wondering what just happened. Then Heidi may come out scared because Diana doesn’t have a clear picture of what happened the last few hours or if what needed to be done got done. And then nothing gets done and if it does it may not be exactly like it was supposed to be. Which brings us back to DieAnne.

We’ve “woken up” in another state. Literally. Like Florida. Homeless.

taped head who am I

Wendy is supposed to call the phone company and ask for more time (you know when they call you to tell you it’s almost too late lol), well something happens and triggers Roxy, Roxy will do her own thing and never know to call or if she does know about it will just figure that someone else more responsible will take care of it. It doesn’t get done when it should have.

Things like that and more.

One of the scariest things about DID is you never know when or why (sometimes the reason is known) you will switch. Sometimes the pieces fall into place and it can be worked on to prevent future switches, sometimes not.

It’s like you are walking on a tightrope and then they take the rope away without you knowing… you keep walking believing the rope is still there as long as you do not look down. Keeping your eyes straight ahead relying on prayer to keep your step steady.


~Blessings~ Diane (August 3, 2014)