In The Midst Of Dissociation ~ Day 65 ~ The Blinding Truth

just thought we would pop in here and share a truth we just found. yea.confusing as fuck. cool as fuck. the intent that was sent to the Universe earlier was basically this: it’s ok to allow some things to be unlocked, memories, facts, truths. the Body is all confused and i’m sorry but i don’t know how to stop it. you need to use your left hand, but i need the right. thank you for switching it. you can see clear, you can barely see. you see… i am pretty much blind. funny how you found me while rolling cigarettes. i used to snag them from mommy’s purse once in a while lol. i just wanted to be like her. did you notice how much better you type now? it is because i am blind and i can just type a mile a minute if left to my own devices. lol i know you like it. i have to stop here because #wrestlemania is on now and Diana will fill you in later… bye! ~ Joan((march 29, 2015)



That’s her in case you didn’t already figure it out. I – Diana – had been drawn to that picture and did not know why until right now. Anyway, before I go back and read what she wrote, I am going to tell you some of what I have been going through. 

  • Major confusion
  • More extreme dissociation
  • Major vision changes that fluctuate during the day
  • That dumb dirty little girl feeling
  • Nothing that comes out of our mouth makes us feel very good
  • Confusion over what hand to use… the right seems to be taking over for some things
  • I’m waiting for ‘something’ to happen??
  • More and more of the feeling of suffocation, unable to breathe

I realized that the One We Do Not Mention Her Name EVER is the one who was here. I shouldn’t say “was” because she is still here. Quiet, but here. I can feel her but farther away than she was yesterday when she wrote her beginning part on my post lol. 

I did something that I hardly ever remember to do… Ask. I got an answer! I heard, the name and I heard “I’m also pretty much blind.” 

I was floored to say the least. 

Things are coming back, some just pop up, some are that “Oh Crap! Woah, that makes sense now.”

Some take The Collective to figure out, some take just me, Diana, some take a friend’s nudge, some take a flashback due to a sight, a thought, a smell, a sound… or something beyond conscious comprehension.

One more thing I will say is that sometimes it takes the most unlikely source to make you stable, the thing you most longed for, the thing you finally let go of. It came in the form of tall dark and handsome! Whether it lasts no longer than this week or many many weeks to come to infinity… I will be fully there and enjoying every precious moment! So now I will go back and see what she wrote… or maybe I won’t because if I do, it will be gone and that will spell trouble in the form of an untrusting core. Can’t have that no matter what she wrote, because I know she wrote from her heart… so I will sign off here and thank you for joining us on this journey with more to come!

~ Blessed Be ~ 

Diana (March 30, 2015)