What I learned in IOP ~ Day 8 ~ I Am…


…Not My Illness. I. Am. Me. I am not my diagnosis. I am not a mental illness. I am not a psychiatric disorder.

I am a person who deals with mental illness. But it does not define who I am.

So. Why don’t I believe that? Why do I feel as if my dissociative identity disorder defines who I am? What I am? I am finding it hard to separate all of my mental issues from who I am. I don’t know how to separate the two.

I can say that I am depressed. I can say that I am anxious. I can have a panic attack. Those things do not define me. They happen to me. They are nothing but feelings hyped up on a chemical imbalance. However the dissociative identity disorder I find impossible to separate from. That Is Me. That Is Who I Am. It is what I am.

Tell me, how do I separate that from who I am? I have been like this for as long as I can remember.

Melany is me. Chamille is me. DieAnne is me. Joanna is me. Joni is me. Natasha is me. Even the Dead One and the one whose name we never utter are me. We all share one body but are each individuals. All of us. All 27 or so of us are ME.

I don’t know what to say. I’m not sure how to feel. All that I know is that I am Diana. Tomorrow I may be Diane or Heidi. But that doesn’t mean I am not still me.

Thanks for taking the time to visit.

~Blessed Be
Diana~ (April 30, 2015)

Mystical Cats Tarot ~ Five of Fire ~ April 30, 2015


Merry Meet!

Hello again! Today I decided to pick my card before going to my IOP. We have the Five of Fire today.

Five of Fire

Five of Fire:

The best way to learn new skills is through play, and we excel at this from an early age. Even the smallest kittens pounce, stalk, and learn the poses of aggression and submission. The tiger spirit comes roaring from tiny throats as they roughly tumble their littermates with velvet paws. It’s all good fun and will stand them in good stead when they face grown-up challenges some day.

The Cat’s Advice:

Engaging in competition can advance everyone’s skill level, but be sure to keep it friendly. If there is tension, defuse it with humor and good sportsmanship. Remember you are all on the same side.

This one is interesting. Seeing we are a multiple this applies to us in a different way that for you singles. lol What stands out is the fact that we are all on the same side. Hmmm something to think about right?!

That’s all for now, my ride should be here soon. Does this card mean anything for you today? I’m sure it does for at least one of you!

Thanks for taking time with us here and have a wonderful day!

~Blessed Be~
~Diana~ (April 30, 2015)