Ah! Finally home from the hospital, got my intake for the IOP tomorrow morning. I will be working on not being a bully. That’s right. Today the decision to live for me, to treat us like we would our child instead of being a self-bully has pretty much gelled. It’s hard to get untangled from what we thought would be to what actually is. There are a few hard and hurtful facts that we are coming to terms with. It’s very liberating. Very opposite of what you would expect.
I’ve never “fit” with my siblings. Not sure to this day why exactly. But it’s ok. Nothing will change the fact of family. You are born into it. Family is for life. I love my siblings don’t get me wrong. I love my chosen family as well. Funny thing is my chosen family gets me, my siblings do not and I think deep down inside they don’t really want to. It’s ok now. I’m ok now, well, getting there anyway.
I get to finally spread my wings and actually fly and not just flap them lol.
I will be taking care of me, I will not be trying to make others happy or satisfy others needs before mine. Mine have to come first. My god, we landed in the hospital because we didn’t think we deserved to think of ourselves. That, my friends, will not happen again as far as I’m concerned.
I kind of understand why the same “Why didn’t you come to us and talk to us, we are here for you…” doesn’t apply to me. It’s sad, it hurts deeply but you know what, it is what it is. Even though I was raised with 3 other siblings I still was an only child within the quartet.
So I have some things to sort out and think about so I will simply thank you for spending time with me and call it a night – for my blog anyway.
I leave you with how I am feeling right now.
Diana (April 12, 2015)