Transformation & Glass Houses


Hola! Here I am back again. A bit frazzled and calming down from a little panic attack. Thank God/dess that we have tools we learned in the IOP program to calm back down.

I bet you’re wondering why I was having a little panic attack, well, I will tell ya. You know that we are still waiting on the court date to come right? Well, every day except for Saturday and Sunday we check the courts housing site and put our name in to see if there is a docket number with a date yet. Nothing. Saturdays and Sundays we don’t even look. We know it will show up online before we get anything in the mail.

Yes, that is what we just did, looked online and our hands are still shaking and our heart is still beating fast. We decided to look right before starting to write because the writing and you guys out there in cyberspace are a great help and comfort to us. We know we are not alone and there are others out there who care.

So, transformation and glass houses. Weird combo eh? lol Ok, read about the transformation (It was our spiritual message for today) and then I will explain how that and glass houses go together.

A person can transform, a situation can transform, even the planet can transform. Never lose hope. Under the proper conditions of love, faith, and belief, transformation is quite possible.

Now the glass house part came from a reading we have at our groups, it’s from some little booklet and they are really good, there is always something to take away from it and today it was about throwing rocks and living in a glass house.

Here is the part I underlined that stood out to me:

Our own kinks and dead spots are far more difficult to identify.That difference in “vision” is a fact; we have to accept that we tend to be blind when we look at ourselves.

We are all glass houses. We are all vulnerable to stone throwers.

It is so easy to point out the flaws in others yet we are usually quick to deny our own. Sometimes the more easily we find flaw in others means that flaw exists within us as well. It is much easier to throw a stone at their glass house than to throw one at ours.

Change or transformation requires action and sometimes the people closest to us, when they see that change/transformation for the better in us will simply throw a stone at our house out of anger. They want us to stay stuck. Not get better. Be the mentally ill one, the black sheep. That makes them feel better about themselves. And that is a shame. When someone makes changes for the better they should be supported not put down.

Today I choose to use those stones being thrown at me to line my beautiful gardens that lead up to my glass house atop a cliff looking down at the ocean. So there. That’s what I have to say about the stone throwers. I’m just glad that in my life they are few and far between.

funny smiling cat

By the way, I’m starting something new. A video blog on my YouTube page… (eik eik eik – exposure!!! lol) You can check out the very first one Here. It’s about 2 and a half minutes. Short and sweet, a kind of test run. Tell me what you think ok?

Blessed Be

~Diana (April 21, 2015)

In the Midst of Dissociation ~ Day 87 ~ Priorities


Yes, priorities. Oh how they change during times of high stress. I just can’t believe how much mine changed in the past 3 years. Most of the changing has happened within the past year and a half.

I have my condo with all my stuff accumulated since March of 2001. You do the math, it’s been 14 years of stuff. At first I was afraid, I was petrified… lol channeling Donna Summer there for a moment. But yes, I was afraid. At first, shocked with no thought of eventually getting kicked out by the asshole bankers and their minions because I was doing everything right. Or so I thought. Looking back, there was nothing that I could have done better, more or any different. I just didn’t have the facts on how big banking likes to fuck the little guy just for fun. I do now, even though it is too late for me and Marshall it may just be the information someone else needs to prevent them from ending up like us.

There are many riches within me whether they be knowledge, practical, hands on etc. the list can keep going and the thought that I can actually consider myself to “be full of riches” is a huge step forward.

embracing

And therein lies the twist. When we thought getting kicked out was imminent we were worried about our “stuff” our “riches”. The kitties of course but then after Marshall and the kitties it was the stuff.

Little by little my attachment was being loosened only I didn’t realize it at the time. Who does? This is one of those hindsight is 20/20 things. I see it clearly now. I think it really began when we moved in with that asshole “friend” a couple summers ago. We had to let some stuff go then, it really was interesting to see just what I wanted with me. Then we ended up back here at the condo because she fucked us over pretty badly and we still have no idea why she did what she did. The last we knew she wanted to just go back to our friendship and never address the elephant. Sorry but what she did was almost unforgivable. Karma will get her I am sure. I have no feelings about the fiasco one way or the other now. It just was and she is no longer a part of my present or future.

I love how you can see Winstons face in the mirror lol.
I love how you can see Winstons face in the mirror lol.

At this point, stuff is just that, stuff. All I want besides the obvious things, Marshall and the kitties, are not as material as I thought they would be. I want peace, I want a safe place to lay my head, I am looking forward to starting over. Of course there is the one in here that still would rather die. We don’t want that and we need to convince her of that as well.

Stuff is just that, stuff. I’m kind of getting distracted here so I will leave you with this: once you release your attachment to “stuff” you realize what truly has meaning for you. It’s not the stuff. It took a while but priorities did change and I realize now what is important and what is not. Keeping my furniture and other material things, not so important now. Keeping my sanity, or what is left of it… that my darling, is what it’s all about. Peace.

Think on that my friends.

~Blessed Be~

~Diana~ (April 21, 2015)