In the Midst of Dissociation ~ Day 87 ~ Priorities


Yes, priorities. Oh how they change during times of high stress. I just can’t believe how much mine changed in the past 3 years. Most of the changing has happened within the past year and a half.

I have my condo with all my stuff accumulated since March of 2001. You do the math, it’s been 14 years of stuff. At first I was afraid, I was petrified… lol channeling Donna Summer there for a moment. But yes, I was afraid. At first, shocked with no thought of eventually getting kicked out by the asshole bankers and their minions because I was doing everything right. Or so I thought. Looking back, there was nothing that I could have done better, more or any different. I just didn’t have the facts on how big banking likes to fuck the little guy just for fun. I do now, even though it is too late for me and Marshall it may just be the information someone else needs to prevent them from ending up like us.

There are many riches within me whether they be knowledge, practical, hands on etc. the list can keep going and the thought that I can actually consider myself to “be full of riches” is a huge step forward.

embracing

And therein lies the twist. When we thought getting kicked out was imminent we were worried about our “stuff” our “riches”. The kitties of course but then after Marshall and the kitties it was the stuff.

Little by little my attachment was being loosened only I didn’t realize it at the time. Who does? This is one of those hindsight is 20/20 things. I see it clearly now. I think it really began when we moved in with that asshole “friend” a couple summers ago. We had to let some stuff go then, it really was interesting to see just what I wanted with me. Then we ended up back here at the condo because she fucked us over pretty badly and we still have no idea why she did what she did. The last we knew she wanted to just go back to our friendship and never address the elephant. Sorry but what she did was almost unforgivable. Karma will get her I am sure. I have no feelings about the fiasco one way or the other now. It just was and she is no longer a part of my present or future.

I love how you can see Winstons face in the mirror lol.
I love how you can see Winstons face in the mirror lol.

At this point, stuff is just that, stuff. All I want besides the obvious things, Marshall and the kitties, are not as material as I thought they would be. I want peace, I want a safe place to lay my head, I am looking forward to starting over. Of course there is the one in here that still would rather die. We don’t want that and we need to convince her of that as well.

Stuff is just that, stuff. I’m kind of getting distracted here so I will leave you with this: once you release your attachment to “stuff” you realize what truly has meaning for you. It’s not the stuff. It took a while but priorities did change and I realize now what is important and what is not. Keeping my furniture and other material things, not so important now. Keeping my sanity, or what is left of it… that my darling, is what it’s all about. Peace.

Think on that my friends.

~Blessed Be~

~Diana~ (April 21, 2015)