In the Midst of Dissociation ~ Day 90 ~ The Morning After…


…a switch. Not just a little one, one that took almost 2 full days from us. From me. Diana. Do you know what happens to me as a multiple when we switch like that? It messes up my sleep, for instance last night I didn’t get to sleep until after 7am and I had to sleep downstairs and not even wash my makeup off. If we washed our face, we would not have slept at all. It would have tipped the scales towards the awake side instead of sleepy side. lol So we stayed downstairs and dozed for a couple of hours on the couch. At least we got some sleep.

The problem is that we don’t have any memory of the groups yesterday at our IOP until maybe the last 45 minutes of the last group. I know we were having dizzy spells and “The Headache”. For some reason when we have a pretty major – no matter how long it lasts – switch, we tend to get a headache. This headache does not respond to Tylenol or motrin…it has to go away on its own. It did. I don’t have it now.

There has been a lot of switching lately, just due to the stress. It’s understandable. The only problem is I’m sure we will be talked to at some point during the IOP today. lol I really hope not. But the switching is getting to poor Marshall and I’m only trying to hang on until we find a solution. There is always something… for instance the state is cutting my cash next month because they didn’t receive the paperwork we had to send in back in December of 2014. I was like, “Are you fucking kidding me?!” They tell me in a letter that I got a few days ago. Ever since the state decided to use a third-party for their scanning etc, there have been more problems with paperwork. You get a letter saying you’re denied for whatever reason and the next thing you know you get a letter saying you’re approved.

Anyway, the morning after a switch can lead to the dark dirty bad feeling that the Core owns, or like today, I just wake up a bit confused and a little bit nervous.

Hearing Marshall complain, and it’s ok, [that he can complain, who would blame him?!] about who we are, were or may be later… hurts. But I can’t help it and I believe it’s actually better now. He may not think so. But it is. I think. So that’s a little about switching. So today we go from DieAnne going to group yesterday and me, Diana, coming home to me Diana. Just me. Diana.

sychronicity-butterfly-dalai-lama

Off to wash our hair and get dressed for our groups today… if you want to know more about the IOP program just click on the link Here. This program and the therapists are helping save my life and make it a life worthwhile!

~Blessed Be~
~Diana~ (April 24, 2015)

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