In the Midst of Dissociation ~ Day 90 ~ The Morning After~Part 2


Merry Meet!

I am back from my IOP groups and feeling ditzy, I can’t keep a thought straight. I’m tired – gee, wonder why right? If you don’t get it, read Here. You’ll see.

Anyway, I am very confused today, like I thought it was Thursday for the longest time today. Today is Friday. I did one vlog post which you can see Here. It basically describes how I got here. It’s short, about 3 minutes. Lot of confusion, headache which is normal for us after a switch that takes us out of the equation. This morning feels like it happened a long long time ago, not like hours, but like a day or so ago. I totally forgot that I washed my hair this morning. That is not easy to forget because we have to heat up water on the stove and bring it upstairs to the tub and mix hot and cold in a bowl. We haven’t had a water heater for about 6 or so months. I never realized just how freezing cold the water can get in the winter. Talk about brain freeze from the outside! Now, the reason we don’t have hot water is just because the water heater went, leaked all over and since we are getting kicked out we are not replacing it. Eh, sad to say, but I am used to taking pot showers. (that’s what we call them lol) Our brother-in-law was going to help us install a new one but we figured the money it would cost us would need to go towards bills like the gas, the electric… It does make the gas bill less!

Group was good today, I realized I am more OCD than I thought. I’m a counter and I never realized that the picking at my face that I do and the obsession about my fingernails being totally smooth were considered OCD. They do interfere with daily life, I know that I drive Marshall nuts with my picking at one stupid hair that comes in on my chin. Not even noticeable but I will sit there with the tweezers until I either get it or get so frustrated that I want to throw something. To me it seems like that one stupid hair that no one can even notice without a magnifying glass covers my entire face and that is the only thing anyone sees.

The thought of not picking up the tweezers or the nail file is almost overwhelming to me. It actually invokes a feeling of anxiety bordering on panic if I think about it too much. I will see how it goes this weekend and I will let you know how we did. Marshall will be happy not to see me with the tweezers lol.

This weekend I am going to practice my coping skills. One being: Move a muscle change a thought. The other will be: Acting opposite. And the last will be: Radical acceptance.

By moving a muscle and doing something, getting up to do something else, anything else rather than what the thought is telling me or if another one of The Collective is acting up… I can hopefully avoid and negative actions.

By acting opposite we will be changing destructive behavior. For example, we feel better when we get dressed and put on makeup. So when we find ourselves wallowing and sitting in our pjs we will remember to act opposite and change that scenario to a more healthy one.

By radically accepting things we cannot change, it frees us up. Plain and simple. Remember what I said the other day, I am not responsible for what others think I am only responsible for me and my actions.

So there it is, part of my weekend plan. Oh, I almost forgot, I will attempt to meditate for 20 minutes at least once a day… the goal being 20 minutes morning and evening.

Minion interpret what I say

Thanks again for stopping by to visit! It is appreciated!

~Blessed Be~

~Diana (April 24, 2015)