In The Midst of Dissociation ~ Day 92 ~ Love


Here we are past the 3 month mark moving forward in our progress. Or at least we were. It seems we are being slandered on Facebook by so-called family members. How on earth with everything on my plate right now can I handle the slander and the lies. How can you continue to love someone with the knife twisting in your back? I have been shielded from most of it, but not all. It hurts to The Core… literally. I can feel her despair and abandonment. Anyway, I will say that if I didn’t have to get a nuclear stress test tomorrow early morning, I would have gone to the ER and checked myself in to keep me safe. Tonight will be interesting. I am trying to self soothe and talk to them within The Collective. Use my grounding skills. It’s not easy these past few days after finding out what they have been posting. I feel Bitch stirring and she wants to report the posts and the people who are making things up about us. That’s all about that.

So, Love. What do we have to say about that. There was a very good reading that was shared at our community meeting.. which I ran for the third time. I love love love doing that! I would do it every day if I could!! I will share this one with you… it is from “Each Day a New Beginning”

When you send out real love, real love will return to you. ~ Florence Scovel Shinn

Real love is selfless love. It expects nothing in return. It is not conditional. It doesn’t keep score. It is too seldom given. Many of us came into the program hurting, feeling unloved, looking desperately for love, unable to love selflessly. But we are learning.
We are climbing the same mountain, all of us. Our particular paths will cross the paths of many others before reaching the top, where we will find full enlightenment. And any path we cross has a special contribution to make to our own progress. We can be grateful for all intersecting paths, no matter how adverse they seem at the time. We can offer all our fellow-travelers real love, and our own trip will benefit manyfold.
We need not be ashamed of our desire for love. Nor need we feel shame that we’ve bargained for it. But we do need to understand that the kind of love we seek can only be gained when we quit searching for it and simply offer it to all the people in our midst.

I do believe that if you send out love you get love back, although sometimes no matter how much love you send out some people are not able to process that. Those are the ones that my heart breaks for. Being in the IOP I have heard many peoples stories and the bottom line there are a lot of mentally ill people being “abandoned” by society and the state doesn’t help. As a matter of fact, the state fucked me over, they are cutting my cash assistance for now because the paperwork we sent in back in December is MIA. So now we have to rush and try to get it back in again. Seriously, it’s fucking April! Ever since they switched to a processing center for paperwork everyone is getting screwed over. You get a letter saying you are denied, then you wait on hold for over an hour only to find out they had the information all along and the letter was a mistake. Well, this time that didn’t happen and we have to start that part all over again. Ugh. Sucks. So, love. I will never stop sending out love even when it seems impossible to do. I get love back in the little things people do… a text asking if we are doing ok, my son doing something unexpectedly sweet, a phone call from a friend, a purring kitty snuggled in my lap, you get the picture. So go give some love and find love in everything and everyone! 

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~Blessed Be~

~Diana ~ (April 26, 2015)

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