In The Midst of Dissociation ~Day 95~ Roadblocks


Merry Meet,

Day 95, roadblocks. Fucking roadblocks. I’m not sure what the fuck I’m doing wrong to keep getting these roadblocks thrown up in my face. It’s funny because before I found out that the new apartment we were hoping to get fell through, my Tarot card this morning predicted it. You can check that out Here. So I’m not as devastated as I would have been if I didn’t pull that card earlier. Sure there is a small chance it can still go through but I’m not holding my breath.

So that there is a roadblock to having a roof over our heads before we get evicted from our home of 14 years. I am really out of options as I see it. I will continue to look for solutions anyway because I am stubborn and do not like to take no for an answer. The problem is I have come across a lot of people in similar housing situations and they’re not happy stories. And we plug along hoping something comes through. I need a sign, I need something tangible from The God/dess. The card I drew earlier implied living alone. I hope that isn’t in a cardboard box somewhere. lol Yea, I can lol about it but I am really terrified. I have absolutely no control over this situation and I have been doing all I can. So, we go back to doing what we don’t do best — waiting. Good grief, I am just so sensitive and fragile. That is a hard thing to accept but it is fact right now. The good thing is I dumped baggage recently and feel so much better without it!

On the flip side… I am looking forward to a new beginning. I am hopeful that something will come through for me and Coco. I am not as worried about Marshall because he can always stay with his father.

I don’t know, maybe this is a good thing but I’m such a control freak that this makes my OCD tendencies fly right up the scale. I just really want to be in my IOP groups right at this moment.

I have been working on this post on and off all day, well, for the past 5 hours or so lol. I’m all out of sorts because things are piling up again. The wait on the court date, well, for that I can say I will keep on waiting lol! Nothing yet. We check again in the morning.

Another roadblock is the state discontinuing my cash as of tomorrow. Why? Because they claim they never received my paperwork from December. The sad thing is that we sent the paperwork in and we can’t even resend what was originally sent. Reason being the therapist and Pdoc I had back then, I no longer have. All my rx and therapy is done through Yale now so I have to have them fill out the forms. I can’t even request a hearing because by the time I got the letter saying they were discontinuing the benefits the timeframe was up. They give you 10 days from the date of the letter. I got the letter on day 9. Is that going to stop me from requesting a hearing anyway and stating that fact? No. What have I got to lose? They are not giving me the SAGA for May anyway.

I just think I need to find a detour.

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It’s hard to hang in there when someone is bashing your fingers with a sledgehammer. However as much as it hurts and as much as it takes its toll… I will hang in there! I trust. I believe. Something good will come out of this. I will not be broken.

just hang in kitty1

Blessed Be,
Diana (April 29, 2015)