What I learned in IOP ~ Day 8 ~ I Am…


…Not My Illness. I. Am. Me. I am not my diagnosis. I am not a mental illness. I am not a psychiatric disorder.

I am a person who deals with mental illness. But it does not define who I am.

So. Why don’t I believe that? Why do I feel as if my dissociative identity disorder defines who I am? What I am? I am finding it hard to separate all of my mental issues from who I am. I don’t know how to separate the two.

I can say that I am depressed. I can say that I am anxious. I can have a panic attack. Those things do not define me. They happen to me. They are nothing but feelings hyped up on a chemical imbalance. However the dissociative identity disorder I find impossible to separate from. That Is Me. That Is Who I Am. It is what I am.

Tell me, how do I separate that from who I am? I have been like this for as long as I can remember.

Melany is me. Chamille is me. DieAnne is me. Joanna is me. Joni is me. Natasha is me. Even the Dead One and the one whose name we never utter are me. We all share one body but are each individuals. All of us. All 27 or so of us are ME.

I don’t know what to say. I’m not sure how to feel. All that I know is that I am Diana. Tomorrow I may be Diane or Heidi. But that doesn’t mean I am not still me.

Thanks for taking the time to visit.

~Blessed Be
Diana~ (April 30, 2015)