Cravings don’t have to mean drugs or alcohol exclusively. I always thought that is what “cravings” were. Just drugs or alcohol. I was wrong.
Cravings can also mean any type of repeated behavior that is destructive. In my case it can mean cutting, picking and a few more OCD type behaviors. Once I realized that I was a little stunned. I always thought I was lucky and even above that. I was wrong.
What do cravings stem from? Well, I can only speak for myself. I can also say, I’m not sure where the behaviors stem from, just that they are anxiety related. We had some bad news about an apartment the other day and I realized that the OCD behaviors skyrocketed. My mood deteriorated. I felt like the bad little girl. The dirty little girl. The one who could do nothing right. The problem is nothing that happened was my fault, yet I was thrown into that flashback. There is so much going on in my life right now that as much as I hate to say it, I am in a very fragile state. We have been living in the constant stress of the unknown as well as dealing with the PTSD of the legal system. We had something very traumatic happen in our lives when we were a lot younger and dealing with the courts for the foreclosure triggers us very badly.
Ok, enough for now, I just got a call saying my godfather passed away a little while ago and my head is spinning. Thanks for taking the time to spend with me and please send some love and light our way…
Diana (May 1, 2015)