Back to cravings… sorry about the abrupt end to the last post. You can check that one out Here if you haven’t read it already. So basically I was very narrow-minded in my understanding of cravings. They can be things other than drugs and/or alcohol. It can be a “craving” for any type of self-soothing destructive behavior. The behaviors you keep to yourself, you do in secret. I know that sounds like an oxymoron but it’s true, it is both self-soothing and self-destructive.. If you read the post about The Cutter you can get an idea of what goes on in this pretty little blonde head of mine.
It’s probably hard to wrap your head around how harmful behaviors can be soothing. Or how someone can actually crave them. Sometimes it feels like a punishment we must endure. Why? I don’t know. Sometimes it feels like a wonderful release. Then we feel guilty after. Behaviors like cutting, picking, punching, getting high etc. offer relief in a very backwards way. But the relief is there, then so is the guilt.
Cravings are simply the undeniable need to do something. Anything. Picking has gotten me into trouble and we had to have a minor surgical procedure 5 or so years ago because of it. Never thought of picking as a craving until the thought of never doing it was mentioned. Up rises the ugly head of panic. Why? Again, I have no idea but I am hoping to find out while in this round of my IOP program at Yale.
Cravings are the evil dominatrix of the soul.
~Diana (May 2, 2015)~