In The Midst of Dissociation ~Day 99~ Unexpected…

…memories. Or I should have titled it “Mostly Unexpected…” lol I decided against it because it’s too long. Anyway, as you know, my godfather aka my favorite Uncle passed away the other day. It affected me quite strongly at first, for about the next 24 or so hours. Today is Sunday and he passed Friday yet to me Friday feels so very long ago.

There seems to be two of The Collective trying to come forward and I am trying to keep it at bay. Trying by remembering that I was taught grounding techniques. Now to use them lol. I am just looking around taking deep breaths, counting the breaths, looking at the colors, silently naming items, smelling the scent of the candle as well as the trees out back… you get the picture.

fall seven times...

Back to the unexpected memories… sure there are great memories of my Uncle and all the good times we had with him around ~ and as far as I am concerned, he is just on an extra long vacation with my Mom and Pops as well as his Mom and Dad. That is one reason I will not be at the services. I literally ran out of the last funeral I had to attend. So, no more. As much as I hate to admit it but we are in a very fragile state with everything we have been dealing with for the past 3 years or so. That pushed us right over the edge.

I am finding the fight between myself (Diana), Joanna and now Joni a little much to bear. The only good thing about it is that I can feel the memories they are feeling. Memories of good times when I was a kid, mostly anyway. I guess my Uncles passing triggered us because the first funeral we ever went to was our Moms and it got to those two somehow and they are thinking and feeling with their respective selves. I will admit, it is nice to all of a sudden get a whiff of chlorine and almost feel the warm water of the pool on my skin. These are new memories for me and I think I will just let those two run amok and have some fun with the agreement that I ~ Diana ~ gets to come back in time for our groups tomorrow. Oh god, just try to imagine what it feels like to be 37, 27 and 14 or 15 at the same time. Eish!

Memories of swinging on the swings, our Pops picking pears with this long grabby stick thing… squooshing grapes from the vines… watering the garden… afraid to call our neighbors cat by her name because we thought “Fanny” was a swear word lmao!!

Ok, time for Me, Me and ME now… thank you for stopping by!

Blessed Be~
~Diana, Joanna & Joni (May 3, 2015)

Mystical Cats Tarot ~ Fire Kitten ~ May 3, 2015

Merry Meet!

What a wonderfully beautiful day! As I was handling the cards for today I really didn’t have a specific intent, just that I would know what it meant. So here we go, we got the Fire Kitten today.

Fire Kitten

Fire Kitten:

Oh, the beautiful fire! It darts and dances, drawing the curious kitten closer, closer, closer… There is really only one way to learn about fire, and this Fire Kitten is learning it quickly. Singed whiskers and a smoldering tail are the price she pays for increased knowledge and experience.

The Cats Advice:

Curiosity is setting you ablaze with enthusiasm for new projects and pleasures. Today’s discoveries offer opportunity for future growth as you acquire new skills and explore new passions without expectations or preconceptions. Don’t be afraid to get burned a little in the process. Change is how you will grow and learn.

I suppose that The Universe is telling me either not to play with fire or that I have to get in there best I can but can get hurt in the process. However singed whiskers and a smoldering tail are not too high a price to pay for increased knowledge and experience. 

I will admit that my curiosity has gotten under my skin lately regarding things we have been remembering. That can burn a bit lol. You remember something but not all of it. It says “today’s discoveries” so I am going to be looking forward to whatever we discover! Funny about not having expectations etc.. because I have done that without realizing it! Change. Hmmm, as long as I stay here – me, Diana. I am a bit afraid we may be coming to a switch because I am continually hearing “Joanna, Joanna”. *sigh* The problem is that Diana is the one who ‘contracted’ with our therapist to be present in our IOP groups. Shit. Well, I am hanging in there the best I can – me, Diana.

I think I will get out of the house for a bit with my son and enjoy the warm sunshine that The God/dess has provided today! 🙂

not only are we in the universe

Blessed Be!
~Diana~ (Ugh, and Joanna) (May 3, 2015)

p.s. When I read this I can’t help but think about Lavender Butt and Sage Tail lmfao!!!