In The Midst of Dissociation ~Day 99~ Unexpected…


…memories. Or I should have titled it “Mostly Unexpected…” lol I decided against it because it’s too long. Anyway, as you know, my godfather aka my favorite Uncle passed away the other day. It affected me quite strongly at first, for about the next 24 or so hours. Today is Sunday and he passed Friday yet to me Friday feels so very long ago.

There seems to be two of The Collective trying to come forward and I am trying to keep it at bay. Trying by remembering that I was taught grounding techniques. Now to use them lol. I am just looking around taking deep breaths, counting the breaths, looking at the colors, silently naming items, smelling the scent of the candle as well as the trees out back… you get the picture.

fall seven times...

Back to the unexpected memories… sure there are great memories of my Uncle and all the good times we had with him around ~ and as far as I am concerned, he is just on an extra long vacation with my Mom and Pops as well as his Mom and Dad. That is one reason I will not be at the services. I literally ran out of the last funeral I had to attend. So, no more. As much as I hate to admit it but we are in a very fragile state with everything we have been dealing with for the past 3 years or so. That pushed us right over the edge.

I am finding the fight between myself (Diana), Joanna and now Joni a little much to bear. The only good thing about it is that I can feel the memories they are feeling. Memories of good times when I was a kid, mostly anyway. I guess my Uncles passing triggered us because the first funeral we ever went to was our Moms and it got to those two somehow and they are thinking and feeling with their respective selves. I will admit, it is nice to all of a sudden get a whiff of chlorine and almost feel the warm water of the pool on my skin. These are new memories for me and I think I will just let those two run amok and have some fun with the agreement that I ~ Diana ~ gets to come back in time for our groups tomorrow. Oh god, just try to imagine what it feels like to be 37, 27 and 14 or 15 at the same time. Eish!

Memories of swinging on the swings, our Pops picking pears with this long grabby stick thing… squooshing grapes from the vines… watering the garden… afraid to call our neighbors cat by her name because we thought “Fanny” was a swear word lmao!!

Ok, time for Me, Me and ME now… thank you for stopping by!

Blessed Be~
~Diana, Joanna & Joni (May 3, 2015)