Well, today turned out to be The Day We Dreaded. The day we received the letters from the court for the eviction. The big issue I have is that they gave us a court date for TOMORROW morning! The problems with that are we have a funeral tomorrow morning for my Uncle. (Doesn’t affect me, but Marshall is going.. I don’t do well at those things. I ran out of the last one. And I can grieve in my own way.) The other issue is I am getting a letter from my Pdoc regarding my psych issues and how all this with the housing is affecting me. It’s landed me in the hospital more than once with 2 overnights, one was an entire weekend. The letter has not been written yet, we were waiting on the letter with the court date so that it contains the most accurate info. (I will be getting it before the new court date.)
Anyway, back to the “Right Now”. I have to thank my friend Xtina for metaphorically talking us off the edge. She sat down next to us outside and looked straight at us eye to eye and talked to All Of Us… it was wonderful to have someone do that. And we listened. We were wavering between Bitch and her Fuck You attitude about this, but the dark scared ones were stronger and feeling helpless and trampled. Defeated. Thank God/dess for Xtina! She simply stated that “nothing is going to happen Right Now. You are not getting kicked out of your home Right Now or today or tonight. You need to focus on that.” We listened. She also reminded us that we are strong and we can get through this. We have been through worse. Be in the moment, enjoy my home as long as I can. But only think about today. Right Now. That is where life happens. In the Right Now. There is a bigger plan for us. We gave this situation to The Universe a while ago and we will not take it back or disrespect by not believing there is a plan and we will not be out on the street or in a shelter. We will all be together — me, Coco, Marshall and Winston. We will survive this. The past does not define who I am. It may have had a hand in making me who I am but it does not define me.
I am not going to waste my night worrying about something that is not going to happen tonight. Or tomorrow. Tomorrow will be here soon enough and we will deal with tomorrow tomorrow. Not Now. Tonight we will enjoy. Somehow, some way.. but we will enjoy it.
Tomorrow we find out if the judge granted the continuance or not. But that is tomorrow not Right Now. Right Now I will be calm. I will be peaceful. I will be hopeful.
Thanks for letting me vent… it means a lot!
Diana (May 5, 2015)