IOP Day 11. Relationships aren’t always with other people… well, for me as a multiple I can take any relationship advice and turn it inward to learn and grow. Our Community Meeting read was interesting and for me, I took it and put our spin on its meaning. Our comments are in (parentheses).
A Credo For My Relationships With Others
Dr. Thomas Gordon
You and I are in a relationship, which I value and want to keep. Yet each of us is a separate person with unique needs and the right to meet those needs.
(As a multiple, we are in a relationship with each other. If we weren’t there would be more chaos than there is. Each member of The Collective is unique. Each member of The Collective is needed by the others even if they don’t want to admit that.)
When you are having problems meeting your needs I will listen with genuine acceptance so as to facilitate your finding your own solutions instead of depending on mine. I will also respect your right to choose your own beliefs and develop your own values, different though they may be from mine.
(This is a very good rule to follow, we do not always listen with genuine acceptance. Some of The Collective would be happy bowling us all over and taking over The Body. We are learning to respect what the others think/feel/want/need.)
However, when your behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will tell you openly and honestly how your behavior affects me, trusting that you respect my needs and feelings enough to try and change the behavior that is unacceptable to me. Also, whenever some behavior of mine is unacceptable to you, I hope you will tell me openly and honestly so I can change my behavior.
(Wow. This happens a lot… different ones not getting their needs met. Allowing their behavior to affect us whether they are doing it intentionally to hurt themselves or other members of The Collective. This kind of communication and mutual respect is something we need to strive for. Loving my others as if I would love my child.)
At those times when one of us cannot change to meet the other’s needs, let us acknowledge that we have a conflict and commit ourselves to resolve each such conflict without either of us resorting to the use of power to win at the expense of the other’s losing. I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So let us always strive to search for a solution that will be acceptable to both of us. Your needs will be met, and so will mine — neither will lose, both will win.
(I like this, it continues on for us as well with the mutual respect that we would like to have. We all share the same body after all! Respect, plain and simple as well as self-explanatory.)
In this way, you can continue to develop as a person through satisfying your needs, and so can I. Thus, ours can be a healthy relationship in which both of us can strive to become what we are capable of being. And we can continue to relate to each other with mutual respect, love and peace.
(I as well as a bunch of my others want to have a healthier relationship within The Collective. They tell us the ultimate goal is integration. I don’t know about that… I couldn’t stand being alone in my mind!! A peaceful co-existence for The Collective! That, my friend, is what we want.)
Interesting when viewed from the perspective of a multiple right? I mean think about it… I have altars who are stand alone, meaning they can come out and take over The Body for any length of time. It can be for moments, to hours to days, a month or even years. For example, I (Diana) have been here for 19 months (Or it will be 19 months exactly on the 8th). I am grateful each day I awaken and I am here. Sure there have been times when another will take over for a while but it hasn’t lasted an entire day yet… so we are good.
What I will do as well as The Collective is to make a pact to be more gentle with each other. A relationship is a relationship right?
Thanks again for stopping by!
~Diana~ (May 6, 2015)