I will say that DBT is hard work but it pays off. Even at this early stage in my 4 month contract it is paying off. If you want to know what DBT is, you can click Here. I say it is paying off yet I sit here horribly depressed. So, how can I say it’s paying off? Because, it really is. The way the clinicians pick apart everything with a fine tooth comb may seem daunting but that is what really helps. It’s like surgery of the mind. (Exploratory not lobotomy lol.)
I understand what is causing a big part of this depression. It’s the fact that we are getting evicted and I have to look into women’s shelters. No, I don’t have anyone I can stay with. Sure I have siblings but one sister rents and has a strict lease so that’s out and the other sister just plain said no because “I make her nervous”. My brother, not even going to ask because I know they don’t have room. So instead of help where you are supposed to get it… I get a slap in the face. It’s nice to know where you really stand. That’s why now I say I am an only child who happens to have siblings.
Anyway with DBT you can get to that little irritating grain of sand that eventually causes the catastrophic landslide down into the sinkhole of doom and gloom. In my case, it is the lack of caring that is that stubborn irritating grain of sand rather than the actual homelessness. When we feel suicidal one good thing to remember is that “they” would expect that of us so we shall not give it to them.
So, see, this deep depression stems from being rejected, whether justified or not. We’ve always felt left out, rejected, unwanted… tolerated. So I made a little breakthrough because of all the fine tooth combing by the clinicians. For that I am thankful and a little less depressed.
As a last note here… ya wanna hear something funny? I just got off the phone with 211 (InfoLine) asking about the process for getting a bed in a shelter… here is what this new state program will have me do… call them when I will be homeless in 48 hours, get an appointment for an evaluation for a shelter — that can be days, or weeks while in the meantime I asked what would I do until the evaluation and the placement? I was told to use “natural resources” I asked what that was and she told me friends and family. I stifled a laugh at that one. But there it is. You can’t call until you have 48 hours left in your home but you have to use “natural resources” until you finally get the evaluation and then the bed… all they are doing is adding to the homeless population because not everyone has “natural resources” to lean on!!!!!!!!
Thanks for staying until the end!
Diane (May 28, 2015)