In The Midst Of Dissociation ~ Day 143 ~ Patience


Merry meet,

Well, having to be patient sucks. Sucks big time. I am used to being in control and taking care of everything. Now I am stuck. Stuck with 15 days to leave my home and not a thing is done. I have been trying to wrap my head around what has happened recently. Too many losses. The loss of my freedom by not being able to drive for a year and a half, the loss of my car, the loss of my job, the loss of any income, the loss of my sisters (not dead but now totally estranged), I can go on if you want me to but I choose not to.

So patience. Ugh. There was a reading last week at the Community Meeting before my DBT Group that really resonated with us. Not necessarily in the best way but that way where you just sigh and think oh brother, I need to pay attention here. And, yes I do because patience is a virtue that we have never been blessed with. And patience is what is being forced down our throats when we need action the most. Patience Patience Patience… ugh. Here, read this….

She knows omnipotence has heard her prayer and cries “it shall be done–sometime, somewhere.” ~ Ophelia Guyon Browning

Patience is a quality that frequently eludes us. We want what we want when we want it. Fortunately, we don’t get it until the time is right, but the waiting convinces us our prayers aren’t heard. We must believe that the answer always comes in its own special time and place. The frustration is that our timetable is seldom like God’s.
When we look back over the past few weeks, months, or even years, we can recall past prayers. Had they all been answered at the time of request, how different our lives would be. We are each on a path unique to us, offering special lessons to be learned. Just as a child must crawl before walking, so must we move slowly, taking the steps in our growth sequence.
Our prayers will be answered, sometime, somewhere. Of that we can be sure. They will be answered for our greater good. And they will be answered at the right time, the right place, in the right way.

I am participtating in a much bigger picture than the one in my individual prayers. And the big picture is being carefully orchestrated. I will trust the part I have been chosen to play. And I can be patient.

I just feel like sitting like a little kid and pouting because I am now having patience being shoved down my throat. It kind of reminds me of when I was a kid and on a grocery shopping trip with my mom and grammy. We wanted to get peach yogurt and our mother wouldn’t get it for us, long story short, grammy got it for us and we were forced to sit and eat it until we finished it, gagging with every bite. Turned out our mother was right, we don’t like and still do not like yogurt.

I will try to be patient and try slowing down and listening and taking time to smell the flowers. Why don’t you too?

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Until next time…

Blessed Be,
Diana (June 15, 2015)