I’m not sure what the weather was like that day but I want to say crisp and clear. Who knows, it could have been snowing for all I remember. lol Anyway, we had an appointment with our therapist who was a psych aprn. She was our favorite therapist. We didn’t know it yet but we were on the verge of a major breakthrough. We never figured out what she said, but something that Nancy said during that session clicked into place when we were driving home that day. It was February 20, 1991.
As we drove home down the highway we got about halfway home and all of a sudden there was this reverse shatter. It was literally like we had this huge mirror in front of us and it shattered into shards. Some large, some small, some in pieces but still shards… it was like a hallucination come to life. Yes, while we were driving. We have no idea how we got home but the next thing we remember was sitting in our bedroom on the floor furiously writing. Actually, it was Wild Thing who did the writing. She scribbled intently about the ones she knew about. She didn’t know their names, just their attributes, later on they added their own commentary with their names.
For example, she described Melany as “The Depressed One”, JoAnna as “The Capable One” and so on. There are times I just go back and look at the original journal to see who has added to it. It’s quite interesting to see signed commentary from others who have information to add.
More about this reverse shatter.. prior to it we did not have awareness of each other. When one was out, one was out and no one else knew anything. We did not know the others existed at all. It’s even hard for us to comprehend now. For us it’s like we have all always been here. I mean we have always been there but none of us knew about the others. Yea, it’s really hard to wrap my head around that now that we have been co-conscious for 24 years. From what I have learned from different doctors as well as therapists we have had over the years, our DID presented backwards so to speak. The majority of multiples never get the co-consciousness we had gotten suddenly that cold February afternoon. It was like “poof!” your alters are here knocking on the door… and they let themselves in and made themselves at home. Every shard has a name, some are known by terms like “the dead one” or “the kitties”. If you want to know more about who is who… we have some information here, here and here. Oh, and here too.
Ok, my brain feels like it’s about to explode thinking about all this so I will end here.
Until next time…
Diana (July 21, 2015)