Oh brother. It appears that Diana made an agreement with her clinician that we would be called by one name. Diana. That’s not fair because I couldn’t be me today, not totally anyway. It was my first time there and it was a little weird. I know I was quiet at first and had to keep our sunglasses on to stay in our seat and not go sit elsewhere. Thank God/dess that one of the group members lent us their hoodie because I tried to dress as Diana and wore my hair like she does but it made us uncomfortable. We felt too exposed. Way too exposed. I’m used to all black as well as dark hair and not blonde locks.
Our clinician is the one who let us know that Diana agreed to be the one who goes to group and her name is the only name to be used for continuity’s sake I suppose. Then reminded us to use the first person and not “we” or “us”. Ugh. Too many rules for us lol. But we did learn more than just the fact of what Diana agreed to… and by the way I am not happy about it at all but I will go along I suppose.
We also learned a way to cope with the overwhelming amount of paperwork we are responsible for because the state dropped the ball on us screwing up our benefits. Then the paperwork we had to resend from the doc got lost by the clinician and was delayed even longer so now we have a ton of shit to deal with and no money because of it. So we will be using our “STOP” skill.
- S top. Do not just react…
- T ake a step back. Do not let your feelings make you act impulsively.
- O bserve. Notice what is going on inside you and outside you.
- P roceed mindfully. Act with awareness.
Here is some information that is all about DBT. I’m hoping that my siblings will at least read some of it since tonight is another friend and family night that they are choosing not to attend. Maybe they will see what we are doing to make our life a life worth living.
Anyway, I will be proceeding mindfully and radically accepting the fact that they just don’t care and I need to stop trying like my son tells me over and over.
So, that’s about it.
Namaste ~ Melany (July 30, 2015)