So this question was asked of me before, however, this time it was discussed in length. Basically where does my DID fall into My Life Worth Living? The purpose of DBT is to get to A Life Worth Living. So did I want to keep all my personalities or integrate and live as one person? Honestly I’m afraid to be without them, no matter how much trouble they can cause. There was a time long long ago where we were alone inside. It was empty. Silent. Dead. We, or, I was terrified. Why were we left alone, where did they go? At that point all I wanted was for them to be back.
I’m remembering a very good therapist we saw for years saying to us when things shifted again and we were alone that all we did was complain that we were alone. She told us that prior to that all we wanted was to be one. Alone. Just us as one integrated individual. When that started happening we freaked out and ended up going backwards. So… as our clinician stated today we can choose to take that first step and a leap of faith or we can choose not to. She equated it to the scene in the Indiana Jones movie with the invisible bridge. She also assured us that we would not be doing this alone and she would be there for us.
What are we going to do? I’ll tell you, or better yet, I’ll show you…. (btw, when she asked us if we were willing all we could do was utter a barely audible agreement lol It’s scary!)
Diana (August 4, 2015)