So… another day and I am still here (Diana). I don’t know why I think this is something that will happen in a random instant. Some of me hope so, some do not. Because of the Reverse Shatter back in 1991 happening so suddenly that’s why most of us think this integration process will happen out of the blue one day at some random time.
We’ve been really dizzy and tired since this was talked about on Tuesday. As a matter of fact, Wednesday we spent most of the day in bed dozing on and off. Today feels like we could do that too. But! We didn’t. We went to the Y and did the water fit class that we’ve been doing… and just remembered that we had a few calls to make so we paused and made them lol. Not that you even noticed right? lol
Anyway… we, I don’t know what is going to happen or when. One of our followers made a good point by calling their spouses integration “an integrated group of friends”. That caused our anxiety level to dip down some. An integrated group of friends is what we may become also. We don’t know because our story isn’t over yet. In fact this part of our lives is just beginning. It’s definitely both exciting and scary.
What are we doing to prepare for this transition? First we ALL have to want it or it won’t work. It can backfire and we do not want that to happen ever again. So I think that we will start a new journal with the intent of integration and see where that goes. There are multiples who choose to stay dissociative and others that choose to integrate. I use the word “choose” because from what I understand to become dissociative in the first place is an unconscious protective choice. So now that we are an adult we have learned enough about the disorder (finally lol) to make an informed choice as to integrate or not. However we have not made our final decision other than to agree to try and think about it. We want our Life Worth Living to be Worth Living.
So, we will start our “Integration Nation” Journal and see where it leads us… what path will we end up on? Will we end up integrated or will we end up scared and retreating? Only time and a lot of work will tell. But to start off we will take something small like using “I” instead of “we”. Yeah, like that is going to be easy. Not. Anyway… on that note…
until next time…
Diana (August 7, 2015)