I’m thinking of changing the titles of these posts from here on out to something other than DBT & DID to something more along the lines of the potential integration… well, the next one anyway, idk, maybe this one will get changed. You’ll know before I do lol because for me it isn’t changed yet.
We are all out of sorts these past couple days. Not sure why but it’s like The Body is going haywire or something. Sleepy but bordering on insomnia again, hot but cold, cold but hot. No, not going through the change if that is what you are thinking. lol Moods are all over the place. Going from feeling suicidal and depressed to panic to happy and hopeful and everything in between. Sometimes within moments of each other. Wanting to stay in the fleeting dreams I’ve been having when we do sleep. Aaaand I also said that I would take a baby step in the process of this possible integration by using “I”, “me” instead of “We” and “us”. As you can see, it is not easy when you have always been a “we” and not just a “me”. Hmmm I do believe we have just found our new title… “Integration: From We to Me.” We will use it next time. Or maybe this time since we are diving in with the I We Me Us thing.
One thing I’m going to do is when proofing these is go back and strike out all the “we” and “us” etc. and change it to “I” and “me”. Oooh now THAT has the potential to ruffle some feathers… but if at any time it causes an uproar or any type of panic I won’t do it. This has to be done at a snail’s pace. A comfortable pace for each of the members within The Collective. Right now for today I can stand the idea of the strikeout but maybe not the corrections. It is a small step for
us but I think it also just may be a giant leap. So, do I change all of them? Some of them? None? Again, you will know before I do because you’ve been reading this already and I have not decided yet. lol I don’t plan on correcting any at this time but in the future I think I may. You’ll still understand me, right? lol 😉
Something that I am curious about is what will
we be like? Will our taste be the same? Or will it shift like it does when we have a major switch? Will we still need glasses? Or will that change as well like it has in the past? So many things can change abruptly when we switch and we don’t always know unless someone points it out or we see evidence. That is the scary part. While we may not be aware that anything is different, others may notice. To me, it is “normal”. I don’t know any different most times.
Ok, on to the strikeouts to see how many times
we used “we”. Yea, I can’t bear to change them at this time. Striking them out is enough for now. Little by little…
What will “normal” be for me? I don’t know. Stick around and you’ll find out as I do.
Until next time…
Diana (August 10, 2015)