So as you may know
we I have gotten some of the validation that is helping us me feel respected and acknowledging the very difficult work we are I am doing towards integration. We I still feel as if we are I am on a shaky bridge over a huge chasm. However we I feel as if I we have more support now. And it feels so freeing and so foreign at the same time. The freedom I we feel makes up for the foreignness and any bits of fear I we may feel at times. I feel hopeful with this process and if I continue moving forward maybe just maybe I will have my family in my life again. (OMG I just realized how often I was using the “we, us pronouns!)
I want integration and I can feel when an altar gets “sucked up”. So far, as far as I know Diana was integrated as were Chamille and Joni. I can feel aspects of them within MY personality and not feel them separately anymore. It feels good. It is — you guessed it — weird — but it feels good. It is a hard thing to get used to and with a bare bones support system, well that just makes it harder. I am hopeful that my support system will grow in the next few weeks. We shall see.
This post is just full of bright-eyed hope, that childlike wonder of things to come. And on that note… I will end this post.