Integration: From We to Me ~ Death & Funerals

I spent the weekend in Jersey with my best friend and her husband. Her husband’s father passed away and I surprised her by showing up with her son. I was so glad to be there for her. I don’t know why but it is so much easier to be at a wake and funeral for a friend than for family. I was thinking about that while we were there. I believe that because there was no real personal connection, like a parent or uncle or another relative that is why it was easier. Sure, I knew him but was not related by blood or marriage. I knew the deceased through my friend and had met him only a few times. I was there for her.

My parents are both gone, my mom passed when I was a teenager and my dad passed when I was in my late 20’s. Those were traumatic, obviously, and I don’t remember either one’s funeral or wake. Ever since then I have not been able to successfully get through a relatives funeral. For some reason, I run. I’m talking literally. So I just gave up trying to go. I can grieve in my own way whether others understand it or not. Maybe one day I will be able to go to a relatives funeral, maybe not. Only time will tell, I still have some left. (Time and relatives lol)

Anyway, there is understanding coming to me more and more. There are things that are coming into the light for me and it is a good thing. Maybe one day I will be considered “normal”, maybe not. All I know is that I am normal in my opinion! 🙂


Saila (08.30.15)