What I Learned in DBT ~ Loving My Dandelions

A man bought a new house and decided that he was going to have a very beautiful lawn. He worked on it every week, doing everything the gardening books told him to do. His biggest problem was that the lawn always seemed to have dandelions growing where he didn’t want them. The first time he found dandelions he pulled them out. But, alas, they grew back. He went to his local gardening store and bought weed killer. This worked for some time, but after the summer rains, alas, he found dandelions again. He worked and pulled and killed dandelions all summer. The next summer he thought he would have no dandelions at all, since none grew over the winter. But, then, all of a sudden, he had dandelions all over again. This time he decided the problem was with the type of grass. So he spent a fortune and had all new sod put down. This worked for some time and he was very happy. Just as he started to relax, a dandelion came up. A friend told him it was due to the dandelions in the lawns of his neighbors. So he went on a campaign to get all his neighbors to kill all their dandelions. By the third year, he was exasperated. He still had dandelions. So, after consulting every local expert and garden book, he decided to write the U.S. Department of Agriculture for advice. Surely the government could help. After waiting several months, he finally got a letter back. He was so excited. Help at last! He tore open the letter and read the following: “Dear Sir: We have considered your problem and have consulted all of our experts. After careful consideration, we think we can give you very good advice. Sir, our advice is that you learn to love those dandelions.” ~ Marsha Linehan’s Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder (adapted from Anthony de Mello’s The Song of the Bird)

Yes, I am being taught to “Love my Dandelions”. Ugh. It’s not easy, in fact it’s quite hard. Extremely hard. My “dandelion” is grief. I had a huge loss back on July 1st. My home of 15 years. I lost the fight and now have to live with that loss. I have a home now, I rent a room from a friend and am very grateful. But… there are one or two days a week (usually Saturday and Sunday) where the loss really stings and I really want to “go home”. However the problem is that I am already home… just not the home I want to be in, not the home I miss. Then I remember, I get a chance at a new start, a fresh start. Each weekend the sting is a little less, but I realized today in DBT that it is a huge thing in my life that I need to deal with. Also today, I was given the tools to do so after being told to “love those dandelions.” So I will try and do my best to love them!

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Saila signing off…

2 thoughts on “What I Learned in DBT ~ Loving My Dandelions

  1. yes. we all have “dandelions’ of some sort—and learn to function with them and handle what we can. You are progressing in your growth and surviving well. Wishing you all the best—-


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