…pretending like I just awoke from a long long coma and do not remember how to “be a human being”. That is easier to do than to try and rewrite who and how I am. If you aren’t sure what DBT is then click on the link back there. You may wonder why anyone would need to learn how to “be” a human with emotions, feelings etc… and I wonder as well. What happened to me that I do not have these skills? I don’t know what happened but that isn’t what’s important. What is important is that I recognize it and am willing to do what it takes to “fix” it. As best as I can anyway. By the way, have you noticed that there have been almost zero strikeouts with the “we, me, us, I” etc… I’m feeling more, um, I guess I would say… together. Yes. Together. There are times when I am really scared but have chosen not to feed into that fear. I know from experience what can happen and the worst case scenario is a repeat of the summer where I (almost used “we” there lol) “woke” up in Florida with a strange dude. That was bad. Especially because I lived and still live over 1,000 miles away from there!
Well, I say DBT is like coming out of that coma where you need to relearn everything about how to interact with others. When I remember to think about it like that it is easier to work the program. To learn the skills I need to have my Life Worth Living. I also have to radically accept the fact that my siblings do not want to be in my life… there is one of them I am hopeful that may come to our next Friends and Family night to see what I am doing with my life these days to make it better. We shall see and I may not know until the last-minute. But there is always the next one… maybe the fourth time asking will be the charm? Ha, maybe it will land on my birthday and maybe that will be the tipping factor that will get them to come? I don’t know.
But sit and think for a moment about what you could do if you had the chance to make your life better… even if it ostracized others because they don’t want to be bothered. Maybe it brings up things for them, I don’t know. Anyway, by imagining coming out of a coma and being a blank slate… what magic we could make with the right tools… no I am not talking about getting a black cat, a broom and a cauldron lol… just those DBT skills up above highlighted.
No matter who is on my side or who isn’t, I am still going to live my life anew with my tools and do the best I can… “life after coma” is good lol. Confusing, but in a good way!
Saila signing off…