Take it all Away ~ Give Something Back

I’ve had a few things taken away from me in the last year or two… for instance, my home was foreclosed on and now I am on my 3rd room rental in 7 months. My son no longer lives with me for obvious reasons… there is barely enough room for me and Coco lol. It’s a good place though, clean, quiet and for what it is, I am happy. I lost my car due to an accident so I have not had my own transportation for almost 2 years. Thankfully I am eligible for the medical livery service through my insurance so I was always able to get to my appointments. My health is barely “fair” right now due to the stress and lack of anyway to get anywhere I would like to go… for example: my gym. Thankfully I still have the membership and did not cancel it even though I haven’t been able to get there since mid summer. The “loss train” left the station and headed straight for me laying there tied to the tracks 5 years ago when I was laid off from my job. Thankfully my disability went through a few months ago.

The weird thing is that now that I was provided with a car after not having one for 2 years it brings a whole basket full of stressors that I did not expect. (At least I understand them so that means I can work on them.) I’m finding myself getting panicky about driving, it almost felt like I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to when I went out today. I told myself I was being silly. Myself asked about when we get an apartment… what are we going to do then? See what I did there? Went from driving again (getting something we lost back) straight to being in an apartment and the cascade of terror begins… “omg, what if we lose our income again???” “omg, what if there is a fire??” “omg, what if the place we live gets sold… then it is back to the ‘room-hopping’, or a shelter…” “omg! what would we do about Coco?!?!?!?!”

I’ve got to put the kibosh on those thoughts FAST…. faster than The Flash himself. It’s not easy, but it is doable. Take things as they come, do not “take back” what I gave up to The Universe to take care of… after all I do have a car to drive now!!! Trust comes into play now more than I expected. So I will try to remember these things as well as anything else I can scrounge up from my DBT IOP experience.

At this moment I am at peace writing this while keeping one eye on the window watching the big puffy snowflakes falling to the ground. Yea, I know, I get a car and it snows. Phhht lol. It’s all good.

Until next time…