So… if you need a little refresher of what the actual Super-Sized Trust Test was… read HERE.
This time around was the hardest yet. I was the lowest I’ve been. Fucked over and left in an emptied apartment while the roommate who had told me that she had a new place for us all in the same town left the state with no word to us. Yes, left the state. I found that out from her on and off friend to which she gave her key so she had access as well. So it was very uncomfortable with never knowing who was coming or going. The worst was when the landlord showed up to show the apartment and he thought I knew… he said he told the roommate and she told him it was fine. I kept my mouth shut to the facts and just said “Oh, she forgot to let me know lol.” He showed the empty apartment and I kept them out of my room. After they left… another panic attack. Freaked the hell out of me especially since it was early and I was still in my jammies!
I had no idea how long we would have electric or water or gas… for all I knew any moment it would be cut. What I did know was that I had access to the apartment for 2 more weeks but nowhere to go. The scramble to find housing was on. What else I knew was that we needed out of there before the utilities were shut off on us or the landlord came back unannounced to show the place again. This past weekend was all we had. I had to go through my stuff and really pare down (again) but my mind was so scattered and dissociated I couldn’t even begin to think about how to go about it. Thank God/dess for Kiki, she came over 2 days in a row to help me, everything from making a list of what needed to be done to packing and tossing.
Needless to say I lost even more “stuff”. Kiki reminded me of the fact: “It’s just stuff.” (Who needs 3 winter coats, boxes and boxes of shoes… you get the picture.) I lost what I lost this time because my bank card was stolen so I was not able to rent a storage unit. Yup lol my bank card was stolen on Wednesday (I found out Thursday when I went to use it and it wasn’t there.) and we were to move on Saturday and I was supposed to go pay for the unit on Thursday. Obviously that didn’t work out. No storage unit however I was able to pay for an extended stay motel with cash and we moved in on Sunday night. There was so much more that was happening during those 2 weeks that you wouldn’t believe but I went with the flow and adapted to what was happening. The lack of control, omg, the lack of control… for this control freak is devastating. I am learning to live without needing things or to control things, to have patience and to trust.
So, to wrap it up… The Universe took care of me yet again! Bank card coming in the mail, (I was able to get a PO Box with cash!) no worries that come with living with strangers, privacy… our own little space! And… we can have Coco at the motel at no extra cost!! It’s like a reprieve, a time for me to catch my breath and get ready for the next move… meaning: find an apartment… unfortunately we can’t afford to stay here too long. But that’s ok… timing is in the hands of The Universe and I trust.
It is hard to control the stress and it is taking its toll on my body but it could be worse. I have to get back to daily meditation for sure. So, on that note, I think I will dig out my headphones and get some meditation in!!
Until next time…