Well, it’s been a while. Things have been crazy for her and at some point Saturday overnight… WHAMMO! Don’t know what happened exactly but I woke up after a looooooong slumber. Who am I? It’s Roxy! Yup, I was put up here with The Screener and Missy. Missy has kind of taken a back seat. She’s toast lol. Too much has been happening. She kind of looks like this:
Her main circuits are fried. Just her basics are working. I’m filling in and then we have the Screener who well, screens. I think the last straw was her new therapist pushing her appointment out further and her medical doc telling her to see a shrink for the stress/panic/anxiety and her shrink telling her she has no earlier appointments all the while the medical profession is telling her to take a break and take care of herself when she is also being told the obvious from friends – to keep looking for housing, we can’t afford to stay where we are for much longer. All that plus having to recover from a paraflu, move, get a tooth yanked and try to find housing… started to dissociate about 10 days or so before we found this place (thanks to Kiki – for finding this place not dissociating lol) because our roommate fucked us over by skipping out on the apartment and telling us to find a new place within 2 weeks. The lease was up in 2 weeks. It took almost the entire 2 weeks to get out of there. The stress was unbearable. The panic was unbearable. The WAIT was unbearable. She couldn’t breathe… it was horrible. Couldn’t take stairs without losing breath and needing a puffer, even talking could get her out of breath, shifting position in bed… basic stuff that there was no physical reason for.
She couldn’t take the stress of what the stress was doing to us and The Body. She knew if she did certain things it would help (Nothing illegal) and she did not want to pay any price for her actions so with that she needed to prevent herself from going down a road she rarely went down… she felt the Cutter coming close and seducing her… that was Friday I believe. No action was taken but the need was there, the desire was there… however, the need for stability was stronger. Missy went to bed Saturday and I woke up. She had taken on the crap of the past few years, especially this last one. She has had the support of a couple close friends during this time and that has helped immensely keep her pretty safe.
It’s been a crazy crazy time and seeing when things physically and mentally got to the worse points they have been and we get no help but are told to wait it out… go to the ER if it gets worse… no. The ER would have admitted her and she knew we could not have that right now. There is too much to be done. I guess I was picked to do it. So let’s make sure I do a good job!
(Oh, and we are not changing anything name-wise, sticking with her legal one… I know who I am! 😉 )