There are times when you must cut the ties that bind. Sometimes in life you come to realize that you cannot change your past… meaning that you cannot expect things to be how they should just because you want them to be. It’s sad to realize that “then” is still “now”. It’s never going to change. If you keep running with scissors you are bound to get cut sooner or later.
How could I have expected it to change when people only know what they are taught from a young age. Shame on them to continue the practice into adulthood. Shame on me for expecting anything different. I had hope. It’s gone now. You can only ask for help and get denied so many times before you just stop asking. Family is supposed to be there for support in some way shape or form for all family members. Not exclude one.
I had a few years, especially my homeless year, that were pretty bad and I got pretty low but I made it through with the help of my friends and my aunt. If they couldn’t help in a concrete way they were there with an ear to listen or a night out… even just a cup of coffee was appreciated!
I am worth it. I am not who they make me out to be.
It no longer matters who wasn’t invited or who was invited where or when. It no longer matters that family had the opportunity to find out more about me and what I go through; to gain understanding and refused to take it. It no longer matters. It still hurts but no longer matters. I cannot let it matter. It’s not healthy. What really hurt the most was when my life fell apart my siblings were not there (but my friends were thank God/dess and I even made a few new friends!) Oh well. Family doesn’t always mean blood. The ones that were there to support me know who they are and I love them to death for it. They have no idea what they did for me and I am forever grateful.
Things are what they are and now I know they always will be. I have a new life now thank God/dess. It’s up to me who is in it.
Until next time… Blessed Be… Saila