The Wayback Machine


I found some old poems and stuff while looking for something else… isn’t that always the way lol?

It seems I was a child steeped in loneliness looking for love. Depressed from being “grounded” and put in my room way too many times… I did get an apology from my Pop before he passed away, although I never did get a concrete answer to why I was always stuck in my room… just that they didn’t know what to do with me. I guess with 3 other children to care for that was just the easiest thing to do. The wrong thing, but whatever. It couldn’t have been easy raising a child with DID. Back then who knows what they knew about it… they don’t know everything about it now.

But some of the poetry was so dark, you’d never expect it to have come out of a preteen/young teen. Here’s one…

Ultimate darkness consuming your body
pulling you down,
down lower than you’ve ever been.
Spinning you faster and faster
while rainbows tease you–
drifting past your outstretched arms.
While passing through colors, feelings and everything you’ve ever experienced–
even some you never knew before–
They dance off your fingertips
just before you can catch them.
Then you see the light.
Far, far away.
Just as you think you’ve caught up to it–
it disappears.
You find yourself all alone again.

I believe I know when this one was written… we were maybe 15 and we had taken an overdose of Dexatrim and suffered it out for hours alone in our room with no one knowing a thing. 😥

Funny how the emptiness we felt as a child in dealing with family came back in adulthood. But oh well… things happen for a reason and there is a reason that one sister refuses to talk to me and in doing so has pretty much excluded me from the entire family.

Anyway… until next time… Blessed Be… Tanya

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