Emotional Despair ~ Part 3

Feeling better day by day! So I decided to write… I am still working through Stage 3 so let’s go…

The storm of intense emotions of the second stage gives way to a period of heavy sadness, silence and withdrawal from family and friends.

I think part of what I was feeling yesterday was also due to the meds I am on for the pneumonia. Crabby. Anxiety. Bad. Thoughts of getting kicked out and facing homelessness. So what did I do? I started grounding myself. Looked around my apartment and mentally commented on my stuff… pet Coco who was laying down with me until I had a coughing fit.. lol (Good thing the coughing is much much better and almost gone.) Focused on the softness of her fur, her gentle purring… the warmth of her body against my arms… and then I started coughing lol and she ran.

Focused on the facts, that we pay our rent on time every month, don’t do anything we aren’t supposed to… even though the angry birds still complain we make too much noise. I could float and they would still complain. Some people just have nothing better to do. Whatever. We are quiet enough and not doing things like vacuuming after 9 at night lol.

I think this anxiety/depression is like a sub step within this one. Right? You have the depression and then the anxiety and at times both together. However…. last night after I finished grounding I noticed that I was looking forward to getting up in the morning and having a nice cup of coffee and a pistachio muffin and sitting in my living room watching my tv. That tells me that I may be tippy-toeing into Step 4 soon enough! This is not as easy as I thought it would be. Oh just work through the steps and we’ll be done and it will be all better in a day or so. Hahaaa duh.

I’m not sure what it is called when you make something bigger than it is… not exaggerating but something else. That’s what the anxiety does to me. It blows things way out of proportion. Like we are the only one here and we are under a microscope. Come on now… we know that is not true. They manage more than one property and we are but a number. I’m not sure how to get rid of the anxiety yet but I will say it is easier to ground myself each time.

I’m just happy I was looking forward to just sitting in my home today and that is exactly what I am doing! Anxiety is low and boredom is high lol.

Until next time… Blessed Be… Saila