This Makes No Sense…


…but I am recognizing something else that I miss. I miss parts of being homeless. Don’t get your panties in a knot… I said I missed parts. Just parts. Like the beginning of staying in the motel. It was a huge relief at the time and I will admit it was kinda fun. When I was living with Jimmy and Lucy, that was an adjustment but they made it an easy one. That was fun too in a way. Well, until his daughter came back home to live unexpectedly then I had to find another place to live. And they helped me find one. It wasn’t the best one but it was something. No one knew the secret the girl who rented the apartment to me had. Not even her friend who moved in shortly after knew. She was getting evicted and didn’t tell us. All she wanted was the money. Well, when we found out she was getting evicted, we stopped paying her and started looking again.

Before that it had it’s fun times. I became friends with the new roommates (Ashley and Smurf) and we had some nice chill times there. Until the eviction started closing in that is. Crazy. How could I have lived like that??? And how could I have enjoyed some of it??? Was it the adrenaline? Yes, a part of it was. The living on the edge all the time. It has a strange magnetism. Maybe now this is the crash? The crashing back to earth into a ‘normal’ stable life? And now I don’t know what to do with myself.

I miss the carefree coming and going where no one said boo. I have carefree coming and going but I always have to worry about the angry birds. There really isn’t anything I can do except give the situation over to The Universe.. WHAT? You didn’t do that yet??? Nooo I did not. Ugh. How could I forget?? (There. I just did it.)

Interesting. Weirdly interesting. I still don’t get how I could miss any of being homeless and bouncing around. It’s upsetting. It was like being abandoned over and over and over… not a feeling we enjoy. Are we just sadistic? The adrenaline was unbelievable tho… idk it’s confusing and I need to wrap my head around it for a while longer.

Until next time… Blessed Be… Saila