In Between Stages 4 & 5

This is slower going than I had hoped. I figured it’d be quick. Nope. But I’m nearing the end of this. Right now I’m between Stages 4 & 5.

Reorganization and the beginning of positive emotions- Over time, the sadness stage will start to lessen, and you will begin to see a lightening of your emotions. You will start to perceive your life in a more positive light, although bouts of grief and sadness will persist.

The final phase of this model is to let go of your need for the loss and to move on with your life. Sadness will lessen greatly, and new interests will gradually occupy your thoughts more and more, crowding out the misery and desolation. The final stage is when you “pull your life back together”.

Getting to where I realize that my condo is no longer “my” condo but my apartment is my apartment. It feels as if my self is feeling more settled. Not to say we won’t have any more panic or anxiety attacks because, I know we will, but they will eventually lessen as well as lessen in intensity. I had an anxiety attack yesterday evening and got through it.

The reason I had this anxiety attack was because there were fire trucks, ambulances and police cars in our parking lot 4 different times. It just freaked me out after the second time. Reminded me of the horrors of waiting to be kicked out of our condo. Not that they would send firetrucks or an ambulance lol but who knows what they actually do. I heard so many horror stories and had so many things go wrong that I was always thinking that if the police were in the parking lot they were coming to kick us out. It got bad. You know what?? I’m glad to be rid of that condo. The last 5 years there were hard and stressful.

Hmmmm never said that before. “I’m glad to be rid of that condo.” I guess I am. I also guess that it is hard to move forward with the baggage of your past wrapped and tangled around your legs. Letting it go, letting it go, letting it go…

I notice that the sadness has lessened and my emotions are lighter. That is a good feeling and I look forward to more of it. I don’t quite feel as if I got my life together yet, but we are getting there. So I will continue to enjoy this anxiety free day in my apartment.

Until next time… Blessed Be… Saila