A Pattern within a Pattern

Yes, I just realized that as soon as I found out what time it was, my body relaxed. (It is 5:45pm here) I also realized that even though I don’t get as anxious as I did, there are about 9 hours where my level of it buzzes softly during the day. Business hours. 8am – 5pm. I understand where that comes from. I lived with a constant fear of eviction for about 5 years so any strangers in the parking lot were, for me, a scary situation. A situation that caused me to run to my upstairs window and peek out where I knew I couldn’t be seen from the outside. Just to see them go do something other than what I feared.

That’s a hard thing to shake. It’s gotten easier since I figured it out. Because after business hours I could relax for the rest of the day because the marshalls were done. The courts were closed. The mail was delivered. Most days nothing bad happened. However that didn’t stop the anxiety during those hours. This is why I love the evenings, nights and early early mornings and hate the daytime.

Interesting and intricate. My pattern within a pattern. It was hard to figure out but once I did, it seemed so obvious! The way I have figured out as much as I have so far is because the cloud of anxiety has thinned out enough for me to see.

Until next time… Blessed Be… Missy


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