Well, I guess I will look at Stage 3 today. See where we land.
EMOTIONAL DESPAIR, SADNESS & WITHDRAWAL-The storm of intense emotions of the second stage gives way to a period of heavy sadness, silence and withdrawal from family and friends.
Realizing that my siblings were not going to be there for me did give way to a heavy sadness. It still hurts pretty bad but I’m getting over it. Well, I don’t know if I will ever ‘get over it’. But I have to. They are not going to change and if I continue to believe the best I will continue to be hurt. One of the hardest things I did was decline the invitation to go to my sisters for Christmas this past year. Reason being my youngest sister refuses to speak to me. I found that out the Christmas before when my son and I went over and it was the most uncomfortable thing ever. I didn’t even realize that she wasn’t speaking to me at first. Then for the longest time I didn’t understand why. The reason is absolutely stupid and if she wants to hold on to that stupidity so be it. Dealing with this, it’s like climbing a sheer cliff in an evening gown. I’m so tired of it.
I can rest in the fact that I did everything I could to repair the relationship. You can see that in past blogs. So I move on. The sadness is there, the missing them is there. I have to remember both the good and the bad. How I was abandoned when I needed them most. Oh well. I have my chosen family. My friends who were there for me. Friends from near and far. Friends who checked in or took me out. Friends that were there for me no matter what. Not just when the going was easy but when it got really unbearable too. I thank God/dess for my true blue friends. Sticking around through thick and thin. I know that I have been blessed with the friends I have and I am truly grateful.
There are safety measures we put in place to protect ourselves. For instance ‘unfollowing’ or ‘blocking’ family when necessary. Why subject myself to pictures and conversations about events we were not included in or had to decline. We even created a new Facebook where we don’t have to worry about accidentally seeing anything hurtful.
Next time we shall see where we are in Stage 4… this is one thing I want to work through and be done with.
Until next time… Blessed Be… Tanya