The Black Sheep and Stage 4

Meandering down the road from Stage 3 to Stage 4. The heavy sadness from Stage 3 still lingers… the loss still stings. I’m past the silence and withdrawal. There is nothing more I can do and I understand that in my head. My heart is taking it’s time catching up.

Here’s a reminder of what Stage 4 is:

STAGE 4: REORGANIZATION- Reorganization and the beginning of positive emotions- Over time, the sadness stage will start to lessen, and you will begin to see a lightening of your emotions. You will start to perceive your life in a more positive light, although bouts of grief and sadness will persist.

Since I created a new Facebook account (feel free to Follow me!) I feel more relaxed. On my other one, I have some family on that so I don’t use it too much. But creating a new one without any family took some, well, a big chunk of anxiety away. With this one I don’t have to worry about being hurt by seeing posts and pictures of gatherings I was not invited to. (Even ones I had to decline for whatever reason.) Do you know what it’s like to look forward to an annual summertime party, waiting on the text with the details and then to find out you were waiting for nothing because you were not invited. How did you find out? Facebook posts from family. They were all having fun and I was sitting home waiting like a fool. Waiting to find out when the party was going to be. That’s just one example. But it hurt. Being left out like that.

I guess you can say that the sadness is lessening… except for days like today when I want to see what they are up to. If I do I know I will just be setting myself up for a big hard fall. So as hard as it is not to… I won’t. Gotta protect myself. Let them have their family fun. I guess they are finally rid of me. At least one of them anyway… one is half-heartedly trying, sort of. Well, not really.

The Tattered Teddy Bear

In someone’s trash can sits a little brown bear.

She has patches on both legs, no nose, and a very sad upside down smile.

She was thrown away because no one wanted her anymore.

She had too many rips and tears to continue to mend.

No one cared enough to do it anymore.

People wandered up and down the street past the trash can with the tattered teddy bear.

Still no one cared.

They passed by, looked and walked on.

In someone’s trash can still sits a Tattered Teddy Bear….

JCD ~ Mid to late 1970-ish

IDK, maybe I’m still partly stuck in Stage 3. That heavy sadness is there over the loss but there is nothing more I can do.

Until next time… Blessed Be… Diana

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