Hope Floats ~ Day 3 Debrief


Well, it was an interesting day to say the least. Overwhelming. Exciting. Scary at times. Even exhilarating at one point. In my last post I had mentioned how I was “on my own”, kicked out of the nest to fly… “fly little birdie, fly!!”. Well, I did, but not by myself… meaning I was with a real live other person.

Took my shower and got dressed, found some interesting clothing. I tried on one top and should have known I wasn’t going to like it because I had a hard time figuring it out! Needless to say it went back in the closet and I picked something more normal to put on lol.

It was pretty weird being left to my own devices. I don’t know how to describe it. I am in a place I have no real memories of, just sporadic ones that feel like they were transplanted by one or more of the others. Snapshots in time. I have an awesome cat and I’m kind of glad I am/was protected from the loss of the other one before Pixie. Coco was her name and from what I can tell, she was quite special in her connection to her human and her passing was very traumatic. Anyway, more about this stuff in another post.

Back to what turned out to be quite an adventure. Leaving the safety of home for the first time and running some errands with my bf. At first it was exciting seeing everything around me, for the most part that excitement never left and my bf eventually started noticing and commenting on how it looked like I’ve never been where we were before the way I was looking around at everything. He would say to me “You don’t remember being here? We’re in (insert whatever place or town).” Each time I would say “nope”. What else could I say? It didn’t feel right lying and saying I remembered when I clearly did not.

I started getting a little nervous as traffic picked up and quickly asked The Universe to be with me… soon after we pulled into a Walmart and I stayed in the car while he ran in. I was kind of getting overwhelmed and I figured going in to a Walmart for the first time was not going to be on my list of thing to do today. lol He wasn’t gone 5 minutes when I started to hear what sounded like a bunch of pebbles raining down on the car. I was like wtf? Then I saw a few seagulls on the hood of the car, then more pebbles on the roof… I opened the sunroof cover and omg! There were seagulls standing on it! Just wandering around like they belonged there. I looked around to see if anyone else was seeing this because no other car that I could see was covered in seagulls. Then I was like fuck it and kept my gaze focused on the gulls wandering on the sunroof… funny that my first experience with birds is the bottom view of seagulls! Did you know that they have little tiny claws at the ends of their feet? You can see the vein structure in their feet as well. I guess I got quite a sign from The Universe! I must have looked like a damn fool sitting in a bird covered car giggling my head off with glee! They stuck around for a good 2 minutes or so before flying off.

Back on the road, its rush hour and we thought we were going to East Haven (at least that was what the directions for this business stated) but ended up 15 minutes into a drive to East Hartford… kept going anyway. Did what we needed to do and headed back. I do not like traffic. I hate the 91, the 84 and the 15. I do not want to drive a car EVER. Never have and after that day trip ride I decided I do not want to EVER. Honestly, as much as it was eye-opening and fantastically exciting it was also quite unnerving just being a passenger.

That was quite enough for me for one day and I was so happy to get home, throw off my clothes, change into something loungey and decompress with a movie. Movies are my lifeline these days… the noise in my head will not stop and some days it is more bearable than others, right now it is loud and annoying. And I couldn’t tell you what movie it was either.

Oh… before I forget… we watched the sun set during the drive and watched the color drain from the sky from one end to the other… it was breathtaking. Also The Moon!!! So full and so big!

All in all, I think we did ok.

~Hope