Hope Floats ~ Day 9, 10 & 11

A beautiful chaos. That’s what I feel like. Not so much beautiful myself but the chaos in itself is strangely beautiful. It’s a chaotic creation going on here. Yup, that’s for sure.

A chaotic creation, yes that is what I feel like. Unstable elements. Floating by, grabbing hold for how long they see fit. Raining their influence down on me. Why are they doing this? I really don’t know why. I do know that I am feeling one or more of them today. Maybe that is what the buzzing noise is in my head? The more that are influencing the louder the noise? Idk. All I know is that it is loud again today. (Actually, it’s been loud all three days… )

I’m trying to figure out what I have access to. Kind of get an idea of where I stand here. I know that I have to get used to having a name as well as The Body’s name too. Ugh. I’m just glad today is the day we go to the therapist. (This was on day 10)

And go we went… for me, it was the first time there. Long story short here… we decided that I need to figure out what happened between Christmas Eve and New Years Eve. So that is now my mission. I was able to get some information from Kiki and Marion… enough to know that what I thought was a dream really happened. *le sigh*

So, I’ve got to let that process and fully understand that it was not a dream and it really happened. Today I found out that I see my Psych Doc later on today. Good thing they did a reminder call yesterday or I wouldn’t have known. There is a lot to process. Just getting through the day is hard enough without all this other stuff bombarding me.

I’m still figuring out “me”. So to start that… I am going to go back through my blog and see what else may have been posted (if anything) during that time. It is definitely overwhelming. Especially having to do all this covertly. Living with someone I’ve only known for 11 days now makes it really hard. How do you explain to someone that even though you have been together for just over 2 years you’ve only known them for 11 freaking days!!! Yea, do that and try not to sound crazy.