Oh there are some days when I just get that flash of “what was” a year ago. It was bad. But it’s over now and things are stable. I hate that feeling… you get that jolt of panic, your nose flares (at least mine does lol) and you take that sharp inhale of fear and your heart and your breath quicken. *Boom* Flashback. Cure for flashback… well, not a cure but relief for sure are my DBT skills. I find I use grounding a lot. It really helps. I just look around my apartment and mentally recite what I see, what I smell, what I can touch… it brings me out of the flashback slowly but surely.
Anyway, I didn’t expect to have flashbacks of what happened and what almost happened a year ago but when I think about it realistically… how could I not? I mean if you’ve been following along you will know, if not… in a nutshell: I lost my home of 15 years to shady banking ending in foreclosure which displaced myself, my son and our cat Coco. Coco and I bounced around with the very real threat of living on the streets hanging over our head for a year and my son went to live with his father. Some of the places we lived were awful, one was nice and that was the first one. It went downhill from there. Until I met my boyfriend, he made it all bearable.
Things started looking up and we became more stable. There were (and are…) many blessings along the way. The biggest being I was able to keep my cat Coco with me wherever I went… and that included a long-term motel! Then the housing came through… finally stability.
However, I am still getting flashes of what almost was and what was but by practicing my grounding skills and doing self Reiki and having those I cherish near me… I am Ok today. Plus writing about it helps. I can see it in black and white. I just have to remember my grounding skills, to breathe and that for as bad as things were they can be even better than best! And they are. I am ok and I am blessed and watched over.
Until next time… Blessed Be… Saila